Categories
Uncategorized

The Best Strategies for Effective Communication

Actively Listening to your Child

Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times. We feel like they’re not listening to us; they feel like we’re not listening to them. Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting. Your child’s feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss them honestly.

It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond. We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences. However, responding means being receptive to our child’s feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us.

By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid. But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they’re coming from. Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own. Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.

It’s crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention. Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child. Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.

Don’t discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated. Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic. Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations. By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from. Remember, respond – don’t react.

Align:start hi I’m Cheryl Jackson welcome to your voice today we’re talking about how to talk to your kids it sounds so basic and you’re probably thinking I talk to my children all the time so no problem right but are you communicating effectively do you feel sometimes that you’re talking at your child instead of with is it sometimes like pulling teeth to get the information you need and when you challenge your kids on this do they tell you it’s because you don’t listen anyway if this sounds like some of the conversations that go on in your household don’t panic it happens to all of us but we can learn to talk to each other in a way that is open honest respectful and gets results I’m joined by two people in studio who can help us get there Jennifer killari is a Child and Family Therapist and author of connected parenting transform your challenging child and build loving bonds for life also in studio is Catherine wakeland she’s a professional facilitator a consultant and author of the book talk about anything with your kids an easy guide to great conversations welcome to both of you thank you for being here today now before we get started you both have children right so I’m assuming what we’re talking about has been home tested Oh true yeah okay okay so we have confidence in this why is it so hard to talk to our kids sometimes you know I think sometimes our own agenda really gets in the way so if our children are upset with us or they’re feeling sad about something it’s hard for us to hear those things so we fix and we try to solve the problem too quickly and then our child experiences that we’re not listening to them we’re not giving them that moment to really stay with their feelings so mm-hmm well the other thing you have to remember too is that we expect our children to grow and develop and change over the years but not many parents expect that they’re going to have to do the same and the way we communicate needs to evolve over the years one of the most common problems Catherine that parents face in their communication with their kids when I get stuck in a style I like to say when parents have a baby a very young baby it’s like a monarch phase the child is gazes but then with that loving look and everything they said they say goes that is the best it’s the best they’re in total control and it really doesn’t last very long as soon as that child starts speaking a little bit parents tend to move into what I’d like to call the dictator phase and again it’s not a bad thing it’s just the way it is we have to teach our children and keep them safe and we’re constantly telling them do this don’t do that it’s time for this go to bed now eat this don’t touch that you’ll get hurt and we’re constantly issuing instructions and parents tend to get stuck in that dictator phase but kids continue to grow and develop and they develop ideas of their own and they have thoughts and experiences that the parents don’t know about and then they hit a time when they need their parents to take a more facilitative approach well why do parents get stuck there because it always II didn’t y’see it’s what it’s very effective with toddlers and small Hoffman you know you say don’t do that and it it works to a point but at point where you start to get conflict where kids start to push back because that can start really early can start that can start when that one absolutely as soon as they have an opinion something’s not working they’ll let you know either if they don’t have language to let you know with tantrums with crying behaviors of communication it’s so interesting what you’re saying about babies because when I talk to parents about a technique called the calm technique which is what I teach parents to help them communicate is when you have an infant what happens is when you interact with that baby and you’re saying oh my goodness look at you there are neural pathways forming in the brain and the infant brain uses the adult brain to regulate itself and to get organized so without an adult brain the brain won’t develop at all right it’s quite a natural thing to be very in tuned in to called mirroring we are our babies and then around language acquisition we start to tell them what to do and then what they’re thinking and what they’re feeling isn’t necessarily what we do so why do we lose that at some point then or what or do we I think it’s natural I think when language becomes a primary way that children communicate we tend to use language to communicate back and it’s all about message delivery so if let’s say your babies come out of the bath and they’re freezing cold and there’s four months old you’re not gonna say oh you’re fine cut it out you’ll be okay you’re gonna say oh my goodness look at you you’re bold when your two-year-old gets out of the bath and is screaming I don’t want to uncle say you’re fine here you go huh here’s a towel you’re gonna be okay but they’re feeling like they’re not going to be okay right sending a message and we’re not hearing the same message so we bounce back a different message do we expect them to be able to we do they do we expect them to be able to listen to us say you’re okay and then they’ll absolutely open up that but we think about it if when we’re upset right when we’ve had a terrible day and we go home to our spouse and say oh you won’t believe what happened today this person did that if our spouse is saying things like well that’s nothing Wiggly hear what happened to me or why don’t you just do this or that we’re left with a feeling of oh well that’s not okay well Catherine how do we know when we’re making mistakes as parents in our communication but you know we’ve got the best feedback mechanism would you roll their eyes waiting back from the kids I to say the first shock for a parent is the first time before children even have language they turn their head away from the spoon of stream peace mm-hmm you know that first act of defiance it’s usually shocking and then also as a toddler the first time that that defiant full stance fist it fulfills did know it too what we say is shocking to parents but they’re those are very obvious signals but there are lots of subtle ones and when your child starts arguing with you more and pushing back it’s a sure sign that the communication isn’t balanced sufficiently for the child all right well how do we start improving our conversations with our kids well the first thing I like to say to parents is coming out of the dictator phase it’s a lot of talking and a lot of listening you know a lot of observing of your child but not necessarily a lot of listening so parents have to develop have to learn to give their children a voice just like the shows called your voice are trying to give our children a voice it’s not a lot of parents push back and say well if we give them too many choices we’ll never you know get out the door we’re not saying give them age inappropriate choices but give them age-appropriate choices so they feel they have a say in things and then the parent has to be willing to let their child negotiate I think that’s one of the most underrated skills we can teach our kids is how to negotiate things right well now you come at this from a facilitator point of view right is right you worked with adults or you still do and still do right how does that transfer to kids then is it the same as being in a board room or you know the issues are the same people often have me come into a group that’s working on something very difficult it could be a merger a project that’s gone off the rails and the issues are the same you can see all of the dysfunctions in the group are the same in the home when people start not behaving well in meetings start pushing back start being very argumentative being passive-aggressive pulling back it’s all the same thing it all comes back to a desire to be heard and understood and with people adults and children alike don’t feel that they’re being heard or understood they start to show signs okay signs may be a little different but the underlying cause right she’s the same all right now Jennifer you talk in your book and I know when you practice a lot of a mirroring hmm can you describe what that is and how that fits in so well and mirroring is really it’s a therapy technique actually it’s not really a parenting technique at all it’s a bit counterintuitive because when someone’s angry or when someone’s upset you feel like you should be talking talking them out of it or you feel like you should be making them feel bad or true but what happens is they keep sending the same message I’m upset that this is happening if we send the message back oh but it’s going to be okay we’ll fix it for you they’re still not able to get that message out so it really has to do with empathy it has to do with really deeply listening and showing real compassion can it give me some examples absolutely understand let’s take a little one who doesn’t want to put a raincoat on here’s a classic so it usually goes something like this sweetie put your raincoat on now no I don’t wanna go Marian caught on and we say honey put your raincoat on please no I’m not putting it on and let’s say we have to have the raincoat on because obviously should be Patriot battles but let’s say you’ve decided they have to wear and we start saying put it on or I’ll count to three or why do you always do this to me and you’re running around trying to get her into the raincoat as you’re running chasing around the house that’s usually how that goes and it usually escalates she has an agenda I’m not wearing that you have an agenda yes you are right and off it goes right so if you were to mirror that you would take a second you take a breath and you go you know what raincoats are bunchy and they’re hot and they don’t feel very good and I give four years old and you feel like you should be making your own decisions suddenly reading this you’re getting nodding and what’s really interesting is about 85 to 90 percent of it if you mirror properly it will defuse the child right away in fact little opiates and endorphins release in the brain when you mirror properly it almost sounds like a door is being it’s like a flood Glade is being opened so that’s a continuing hurt exactly what what is that something you can learn or is this something that you you are sort of naturally good at or not you can absolutely learn it I teach it to parents all the time and it’s very I mean it takes some practice it certainly sounds simple but when you practice it you’ll find that it’s you know it’s a little more conflict all right I very powerful I think most parents do though when they want to start a conversation with your kids they ask a question yeah I mean I know how was your day today or you know what did you do at school today those sorts of things does that work Catherine I’ll ask you first I get a lot of questions about the after school question how was school right fine or they’ll say something negative and it’s usually the same response to that question and I say that’s a bad question because that’s equivalent to how are you which is basically a form of hi how you doing Yeah right there’s just no response other than fine or lousy it’s a one-word question so it’s not a good question and I’m often kids when they come home from school it’s probably one of the worst times to ask them how their day was they need to come in and wind down just like adults do the last thing you do when you get home is want to start talking a lot we make a little wine downtime so I think it’s better to ask more specific questions you know of your child depending on their age write about something specific that you know is happening at school or about one of their friends there you’ll haven’t heard you talk about Bobby for a while right what is he up to these days okay which forces them to give you an answer that they can flush it yeah I’ll give you one quick example and then we’ll go to a question from a parent but when my son was young and maybe grade one or two I would say do you have any homework at the end of the day and he’d say that’s the wrong question to ask he’d say the question is what homework do I have because he had homework every night so he was very annoyed by the question actually and if I found a way to ask it properly he would answer me that’s a better way to do that is around the dinner table sure it does ask the kids just as you’re eating and casually to not you know eyeballing them and just right you know especially younger kids you know what was the best thing that happened today that’s the worst thing that happened today all right and that’s going to give you great information a little part you don’t Haribo alright well we sent our producer Karen out to ask parents if they had any questions for you on our show and we heard something from one mom so let’s have a listen hi my name is Andrea and I have a son Nicholas and he’s in grade six and every day he comes home from school and I ask him how was your day at school and basically I just can’t oh it was good and I’m trying to break through that and I need a little bit more information from him women asking and I’m asking you how can I do that how can i facilitate that any better all right and I think that mother/son is a bit older I don’t think he’s that young but could you give me some specific questions she might ask one of the things we tend to do is we machine gun question what’s it how much today what’s going on what’s happening and when someone that talks to you like that it makes you back up and older children often give you the half answer the Oh like they can’t even be bothered making words come on right now so I mean the best thing to do if you’ve been doing that a lot and your child is not answering just say you know every day I ask you how school is and every day say it’s fine and I just feel like I’m not answering the question right I’m not asking the question probably what how can we how can we start a conversation so I can hear more about what’s going on your life because I love you and just see what happens then just sort of more open-ended and more from an um an empathy point of view versus an information-gathering vation okay and I’d say for any parent you think through a little bit what do you really want to know do you want to know if they’re struggling with the subject do you want to know if it’s a child has developing friends or has social problems or if there’s bullying the school if their issues what are you really after and understanding what you want to know allows you to frame a question in a better way so if you think they might be struggling with a subject and you don’t know about it well how about asking a question like God you know what subject is toughest this year and and then they’ll say oh it’s it’s science and then you can say well well why is that is it the teacher what are you studying right what are you finding tough about it and then you can delve into really what you want to know so if it’s everything over time again I wouldn’t do it all in one night but think about what you really want to know about your child’s day and find a way to ask probing questions to get to that all right should add to that what’s really important is and it’s important to know why you’re asking the question but sometimes if your agenda is driving the questions kids are so smart I know where you’re going with those a line of questioning so you really want to make sure you’re also checking your Jenna and being really empathic and and taking it from the point of view I want to understand my child I really want to understand it sounds like honest as well I’m both of you were saying you know if you want to know about something specific answers so far they try to get around it um in terms of when is the right time to talk to your children you said probably after school isn’t the best time to drive home some of these question the car is sometimes in the aisle you know what’s a great conversation about a car well the kids talk more in the car for some reason I don’t know why unless those friends in the backseat why do I they talk in the car because you’re not looking at them that’s a people that’s eyes are good for to be comfortable we do a facilitated as we use a flipchart yes to record things mm-hmm also to prove we’ve heard but the other thing you’ll find is that people will talk to the chart instead of looking at me in the eye and it’s much more comfortable if they’re talking about something that’s a bit difficult in the car your eyes are not looking into the eyes of your touch interesting and they it’s a little bit safer environment and that’s why especially the older children hey start time time is a wonderful time okay kids all right what about dinner time I know we try to eat dinner together every night but I actually don’t feel like it’s a great time to sometimes bring up things that might be a little bit dicey is it or isn’t it late it’s miss lovely to have positive pleasant conversations the more positivity goes around with eating and that for a time I think is important but it’s often not a time where kids want to talk about difficult things or they’re embarrassed because their siblings are there and it may not be a time to really get into too many too many issues keep it light keep it open-ended what’s funny today tell me something hilarious that happened just so sure that when topics are difficult you know maybe something has happened at school or there’s an issue with a friend or I mean it could be countless things how do you get your child to participate in a conversation they know is probably going to be on Verizon well the only really only way you’re going to do that is by being a good listener if you’re not being a good listener they’re not going to talk to you if they sense too strong an agenda on your part they’re going to close down so if it’s coming from an empathic place and you really want to understand them they’ll talk to you and you have to sort of you know openly it’ll be open-ended I guess you don’t wanna answer ask questions they can answer yes or no to and then just really give them show them that you’re working you’re working hard in that conversation there’s nothing more that you want than to understand their point of view and that’s absolutely delicious feeling it’s a wonderful feeling and I couldn’t agree more I’ve run focus groups with kids asking them two simple questions what do you or and do you not like about how your parents talk to you and what do you and do you not like about what your parents listen to you if you could change one thing what would it be and if that thing changed how would your life change in an almost every case the dominating thing that could say is they can’t get their parents undivided attention so they’re competing their parents doing the dishes or saying I’ll talk later or they can’t get the full attention of their parents so their parents are kind of listening you know we say people do things off the side of their desk parents are listening off the side of their desk and children take that very seriously what we say is almost less important than how we behave in our actions the observation of what we do and how we act is so critical so if how we’re acting is I really don’t have any time to listen to what you say it won’t be long before that child turns to their peers for their primary listening audience and once that starts it’s hard to get it back the other flip side to that is if you’re over listening like this yeah that’s wrong it wasn’t a something wrong then they’re gonna be like whoa okay mom is either too upset or she’s not going to be able to handle what I have to tell her so they either protect the parent or that it’s just adds to the how overwhelmed they’re feeling so you really have to have a caring but neutral stance in a way right but what if your conversate what if it’s not neutral what if you have something that you need your child to do or change in their behavior or at school something like that and you know that you have a direction that your child’s so that you really want them to follow so I teach something called the calm technique which is really how to use the mirroring technique in a conversation so the first thing you do is you look at them and you focus and you look at them and you put everything down that’s around you and then you match their effect this is a this is a very very important thing so there’s actively ineffective listening that’s out there and that’s when you say you know it must be very difficult for you or it sounds like that must be hard that’s an okay technique there’s nothing wrong with that but when it has those Observatory words kids go oh she’s trying to figure something out here she thinks she knows something about how I’m feeling so you really want to match their effect so let’s say your child comes home and they’ve been bullied and they’re really upset about or they or they’re angry with you because you’ve asked them to do something that they don’t want to do get off the computer or something you have to match the ref I can say you’re having a great time on this game you love this game you’re at level six it took you forever to get there I totally get why you want to stay on this computer but you know what sweetie here’s the problem so you start with matching their effect and the urgency of the message that they’re giving you and once you do that it’s remarkable how quickly they will calm down and you really don’t need to follow your child around into a therapy session it’s two or three statements that are really impact like that and often they’ll say okay well what do you want me to do or they’ll do it don’t so easy it does it does actually it’s hard to do but it’s remarkable how quickly it’s very diffusing though okay right and all right we’re gonna do it Katherine what about you what when when do you think the conversation is over I mean as a parent when you’ve you know you’ve listened let’s say you’ve listened and you’ve made a decision is that okay it can be okay it’s very dependent on on the situation in the age of the child I like to say if the parent is showing that they’re listening like I say our hearts listen better than our ears do if you’re trying to understand your child and not just try to get what you want done that there’s a balance again acknowledging see I understand that you don’t mind that your room is a disaster but however I need you to understand that I do mind so instead of saying you have to do what I want say how can we meet in the middle there’s got to be something that makes us both satisfied with the situation so what ideas have you got you know tell me what some ideas you may have and then that allows you to negotiate there has especially as your children get older they really enjoy the negotiation process in fact I always tell adults who are into sales if you really want to learn negotiation well take a tile to a toy store you know then watch a master at work but in the home you’re going to give your child a voice in the OP and some options parents often come in and we’re tired and we’re also not in our best at the end of the day and this is when a lot of conflict happens at the end of the day so yes there’s backpacks and shoes everywhere and they’re in my way and it’s irritating me but does it have to be all about the fact that I want them clear to wait right this instant I’ve taught my kids or I’ll say okay there’s stuff everywhere and it’s really bugging me so you can do it now or you can do it in half an hour mmm either ones fine with me I just need to know which one it is and they always choose the later one but that’s fine when a half an hour is up I’ll go hey remember our deal right you know and they’ll say oh you know okay we’ll do it because I agreed to it earlier okay oh did you want to very quickly yeah so I’m just gonna make a point that sometimes when you when you’ve started your done this mirroring and you’ve listened and you’ve heard them and they’re still digging their heels in and they won’t do it after you’ve listened well it’s okay to say to them you know I’ve tried really hard to understand this I really have and I totally get it but you know what honey it’s now a problem so you either do this or this is the consequence it’s okay to set those limits and children need limits right just how you deliver it okay you say it all right that’s interesting now we have another clip from a mom and I think this question is very interesting so let’s listen to what she has to say hi I’m Nancy I’m a mom of two boys and my question is for about communicating with your children I’d really like to know how one can communicate with boys once they get past a certain age because I know that they tend to pull away and don’t want to talk to you their mom but I’d like to know how I can keep that communication going throughout some time okay so art is there a difference in the way boys talk and listen there is in fact boys go into that sort of caveman stage and make when we grab a cola and that’s when they’ll often answer ooh but they can’t even make a sentence in those moments again it’s really important to find out what they love and what they enjoy if you want to make your boys happy if you want to connect with them sit down with the table and when they’re playing a video game sit down with side them and say hey I didn’t know you were on this level I’ve never actually taken the time to see what this game is about and talk about it and see how excited they get by that and you don’t have to necessarily work about having to worry about having big long conversations with your kids that puts too much pressure on the parent and too much pressure on the child if you have little moments with it there’s been a lovely connection and they walk away going oh well that felt kind of good then they’re going to be much more likely to come back and it could be something very simple let’s say they open the fridge and go ah there’s no chocolate milk so instead of saying well I wanted you to the shopping then you can say oh you know what I hate that too when you open the fridge and you expect there’s something there it’s not there right then you walk away just this lovely little moment where you you got each other okay and that that’s enough to turn it around to well to build on that okay and that’s that’s the same for kids of all ages short little bursts if they think they’re going to get a big talk every time that you’re you’re sitting down they’re going to stay away from talking to you right these short little connections are really what are powerful and with boys they still want to be connected to their parents but they don’t want it to show so you just have to know that they don’t they don’t want to be seen with you at the mall they don’t want to do it they’re you know they may not want to do it much at home but when they’re tired there’ll be little moments where you can connect and parents to just grab ahold of those but it has to be on their terms and our teenagers are so different than we were as teenagers it’s a whole different game that you need to learn how to my husband is adamant against texting and I keep telling myself you know by the time you are our children are in your teens that you’re losing or your children they’re 12 al-khattab real twins right so they’re he’s gonna lose a communication option yeah with our children which works for them and I said you’re gonna have to adopt a little bit alright a Catherine how does communicating well with our children within our families if we can get that right how does that help them when they’re out outside the family you know in school for instance or with their friends or in their community oh it is the foundational skill I think it’s the it’s the foundation of parenting and it’s the foundation of anything our children might do the better they are at communicating they tend to become more articulate if they’re good listeners and believe me listening is a skill that is in decline if we can teach our children to be good listeners it’s going to help them in every aspect of their lives absolutely and what we know now – about the parenting relationship is that it builds resilience so the closer children are to their parents the more oriented they are to the to their parents the less they’ll look to their peers for guidance is important to have healthy friendships and relationships with peers but it’s you want your children to be oriented to you and when they’re strongly oriented to you that’s very protective in terms of drug abuse alcohol abuse you know sexual activity helping kids to make good choices that all comes from having a very strong and solid relationship with a predictable and caring caregiver and that’s why listening at a young age is so important the child needs to feel well if I have something important to say my parent my mother my father are going to give me that time so then when they’re 16 when it’s their job to start pulling away with something important comes up they still have that connection back and saying I still need to talk to you here it gives them terrific social skills with their peers because if they’re a child that’s listened to they will develop more empathy okay I have much stronger social skills with their own peers okay and I’m assuming it would help them with their teachers as well oh I mean certainly there must be some negotiation that goes on there sometimes think of it as it just thickens their skin just gives them that armor that they need so when they get kicked out of the sandbox or when they don’t get invited to a party they go well no that didn’t feel very good but I’m okay I’m so loved I’m so understood I’m so heard that I’m okay and I don’t know what more you could want for your children really than to have that level of resilience well and it’s teachers notice to children who have a good connection with their parents the teachers can tell you they can pick out the kids in the class who have that what do they see they just see they can tell that that the children is adjusted yeah calm smack the chins up they just seem to be able to take things on the chin a little bit and handle it there they’re better at presentations especially when a child is expected to take questions from the class you know they’re very open to that because they’re used to being asked questions and listening they’ve seen that modeled so now they can use it in the class they’re good at asking they tend to ask teachers more question I also saw parents to think oh gosh I haven’t been listening to my children well my gosh it’s never too late it’s never too and it really has to do with with neuroplasticity it actually has to do with the brain the more you feel listened to the more your brain the circuitry of your brain adapts itself to a positive life to positive experiences and the better you are coping the more you live in an environment where there is fighting and screaming and you’re not hurt and you’re not listened to and you’re anxious the more the brain adapts to that so there really is such motivation to make sure that you’re giving these kids your children this experience and it’s just so much better for you as a parent as well but you can’t you can get angry I mean it’s not I mean it’s not a perfect parenting and the lovely part is you can go back and repair so if you did argue with him yeah put your raincoat on I don’t care and you end up in a big fight you can go back and say oh I remember this morning when I made you put that coat on and you really don’t want to you can go back and do okay that is that’s our last word thank you for that very very reassuring my guests have been Jennifer kalari and Catherine wakeland for more information on how to talk to your kids articles links and blogs please go to tea do parents comm click on your voice and the show topic on our site you’ll also find a list of upcoming shows so if you have a question for one of them send it in we’ll get it to our experts and if you have a show idea send that in too we always want to hear from you I’m Cheryl Jackson thanks for watching you

As found on Youtube

>> Positive communication with our children helps them develop in a healthy way and strengthens our bond with them. >> Parents can really kind of tune in to what their kids are saying to kind of build those communication skills, help their children build language skills, and by saying, you know, what are — what did you say, and repeating back what the kids said and reflecting on that emotion that kids are expressing. >> There are four steps for communicating positively with your child. Step One, praise. Use praise to help your child know what you’d like them to do. Be clear and specific with your praise. Instead of good job, say good job putting away your toys. >> Great job putting your toys away, Jenny. It’s very, very important as a parent to be conscious as much as possible of what your kids are doing; that you’re checking in on them enough; that there’s opportunities to acknowledge what they’re doing that it’s good.

>> Step Two, imitation. You can copy or imitate the things your child is doing that you want them to keep doing. This shows your child that you are paying attention to them and interested in what they are doing. When copying and imitating, make sure you do the things the way your child does. Do not try to do things better or faster than your child. >> Then they see that you’ve recognized that they’re doing something that you’re also doing. Wow. Mommy likes that. Mommy likes to play with my dolls too. So that must be something good that I’m doing. I’m going to do that again in the future. >> Step Three, description. Describing or talking about what your child is doing while they play shows your child you are noticing their good behavior. You can act like a sportscaster who is telling people what is happening in a game. You are putting the red block on the green block and making a tall tower.

Step Four, active listening. Giving your child your full attention when you are playing and talking with them can help build your relationship. At least once a day try to really focus on being with your child. Try to decrease distractions, like cell phones, so you can give her your full attention. One way to actively listen is to talk about what your child is doing or to repeat what your child says. You can also add more detail to encourage them to talk to you more. For example, your child may say I colored it, but with active listening you may add to that and say yes, you colored her dress blue and red. Active listening can also help children name their feelings. For example, if your child is crying and says she’s not happy, you may say you seem unhappy and sad.

Playtime is a great time to practice praise, imitation, description and active listening. You can also use these skills any time you are with your child; at dinner, in the car, and when giving a bath..

As found on Youtube

Categories
Parenting

Does Punishment Work?

Physical Punishment is Ineffective and Harmful

Effective discipline does not involve physical punishment of children.

Recent studies have shown a direct link between physical punishment and several negative developmental outcomes for children including physical injury, increased aggression, antisocial behavior, difficulty adjusting as an adult and a higher tolerance towards violence.

Research has also shown that physical punishment poses a risk to the safety and development of children.

It is crucial for parents to gain an awareness of other approaches to discipline because it is all too simple for physical punishment to turn into child abuse and result in severe physical injury, detrimental emotional damage and even death.

Each year thousands of children continue to die as a result of physical abuse.

Children have a right to be protected from physical abuse, and laws in every state demand severe punishment for those found guilty of physically harming a child.

Most parents do not want to use physical punishment as a form of discipline.

A child that lives in an abusive environment is likely to grow up and either be abusive themselves or have severe social, emotional, physical and cognitive delays in development.

Parents’ disciplinary methods serve as strong models to children that teach them how to deal with life’s day-to-day challenges.

It is important for parents to model appropriate behavior and to establish expectations as well as limits.

Children have a right to live in a safe, secure and nurturing environment, and their dignity must be respected.

Parents must consistently use fair and logical consequences whenever children fail to follow rules.

They must keep in mind that a child is not a miniature adult, but only a child and that discipline must be age appropriate and fit the child’s temperament and maturity.

Adults who recognize they have a problem with physically abusing their children should immediately seek professional help and ensure their children are taken to a safe environment to avoid harming them further.

Punishment actually does work to shape different behaviors in children.

What you want to use punishment for is to guide your child towards a more positive, acceptable means of behavior.

I like to think of punishment and discipline and consequences as something that goes hand-in-hand.

Parents often ask me,

“What type of punishment should I use for this specific situation?”

I always remind parents that punishment needs to be something that’s realistic.

And it needs to be a situation or a consequence that really fits the negative behavior.

For instance, if a child breaks something in the home, a punishment or consequence may be to take time away from your child’s computer time and fix the particular thing that they broke, so that there’s actually a connection between the negative behavior and something positive.

Punishment should never be punitive.

Punishment

It should be something that’s used as a teaching situation.

I often want to remind parents too that punishment, discipline and consequences aren’t the only ways to shape behavior.

But before you even get to a consequence, you may want to try praise and encouragement when your child is doing something positive..

As found on Youtube

News

LONDON — The government of Wales (UK) has a question for parents: Is it ever right to physically punish your children?

It began a 12-week feedback process on the issue on Tuesday, with officials saying they hoped to join more than 50 countries that have adopted an outright ban on the practice.

They would also be following the example of Scotland, which announced plans for a ban after a consultation of its own last summer.

“We all want to give our children the best start in life,” said Huw Irranca-Davies, the Welsh minister for children and social care, and a father of three boys.

“Children do not come with an instruction manual and sometimes parents need guidance and support to help them raise healthy and happy children.”

Some opposition to a ban has already gathered.

A group called Be Reasonable, named after an exemption in current assault laws for “reasonable punishment” of children by parents, says it has more than 1,500 names on a petition against the proposal, in a nation of a little over 3 million people.

“A little gentle slap here and there is just a part of teaching discipline,” a Be Reasonable campaigner, Angie Robins, a mother of three from Newport, in southeast Wales, said in a telephone interview.

“It never did anyone any harm.”

The campaigners argue that the law already protects children from abuse and that the authorities should focus on enforcing those laws instead of wasting time on trivial cases and criminalizing “good parents.”

“Every child is different and needs different types of discipline,” Mrs. Robins argued, adding that such decisions should be made by the parent and not the government.

But Welsh government officials say physical punishment is outdated and ineffective, and can have negative long-term effects.

“If there is any potential risk of harm to a child, then it is our obligation as a government to take action,” Mr. Irranca-Davies said.

Sarah Lewis, a nanny of two children in the Welsh capital, Cardiff, said a ban was crucial to protect children because every parent or guardian had a different understanding of what “reasonable” punishment meant.

“I’ve seen parents publicly beat their children when they are misbehaving. and it’s outright abusive and damaging,” Mrs. Lewis said. “You can discipline a child without smacking them.”

Britain’s leading children’s charity, the N.S.P.C.C., welcomed Wales’s move.

The charity has long campaigned for children to have the same protection against assault as adults, an N.S.P.C.C. spokesman said, describing it as “a  common-sense move, which is about fairness and equality for children.”

Mr. Irranca-Davies said the consultation would help the government address concerns as the legislation develops.

 

Categories
Parenting

Is Permissive Parenting Bad

Permissive Parenting Style

There are two main words that describe the permissive parenting style.

These words are non-directive and indulgent.

Most permissive parents end up regretting their parenting choice as their child grows older.

These parents believe that their main goal as parents is to make sure that their child feels loved.

This should be done above all else and often means that permissive parents forego discipline in favor of showing their child love.

Rather than being parents to their child, the permissive parenting style teaches parents to be friends.

This does allow them to have close relationships with their child and their children do know that their parents love them.

One of the biggest mistakes that permissive parents make is that they do not make their children adhere to rules.

Instead of making their child do something they will ask, and then they will reward their child.

Sometimes they might even find themselves bribing their child because they have no other way to get them to do what they want.

Signs of Permissive Parenting

• The parent always responds to their child even when their child is interrupting or doing something inappropriate for attention.
• The parent does not make any demands on their child.
• The parent always accepts their child.
• The parent does not require their child to be responsible for anything.
• The parent accepts their child’s natural impulses.
• The parent does not say no.
• The parent sets no boundaries.
• The parent does not make restrictions on things.
• The parent does not set goals for their child.
• The parent allows the child to control their behavior.

How the Child of a Permissive Parent Develops

• Children are often impulsive.
• Children often have issues with aggression.
• Children lack the independence that they need to survive.
• Children often change who they are to fit in.
• Children do not have a sense of self.
• Children are not self-confident.
• While children are close to parents when they are young, they are often angry with parents when they become adults.
• Adult children blame their parents for their problems.
• Adult children do not know how to accept responsibility for their actions.
• Children never believe that anything is their fault.

What Can You Do to Change

Permissive parents can change. There are some tips to being able to make those changes.

• Start slowly with the expectations.
• Explain why things are changing to your child.
• Reason with your child and explain that there will be consequences.
• Make your child responsible for certain things.
• Start to make your child responsible for their behaviors.
• Do not allow your child to manipulate you or make you feel bad.
• Remind your child that you love them but that you are a parent.
• Define your role as a parent to your child.

While changes will feel impossible in the beginning, over time, they will be natural.

They will help your child to grow into an active and healthy adult who is capable of caring for themselves.

I will briefly discuss some of the results of permissive parenting.

You don’t want your child to grow up to be an adult who needs to get his way all the time, and who gets frustrated when he doesn’t.

To me parenting is mostly about guiding your child into maturity.

You don’t want your child to think that happiness is about getting what you want, or they will just try and get one thing after another.

And we all know that doesn’t lead to happiness You don’t want your child to become an adult who lets people walk all over them.

You show them how to avoid that by not letting them walk all over you.

In a respectful way.

How you interact with your child is the biggest lesson your child gets on how to interact with others.

You want them to grow up to be a mature adult who can have emotions without having a tantrum, or stuffing the feelings deep down only to have them come back out later.

They need practice at not getting their way, and learning to manage the emotions that result from it.

They also need to feel secure, like someone is looking out for them.

They need the security of knowing that if they go too far, you will stop them, for their own good.

If they don’t have that sense, they will be stressed out, scared.

Because they really don’t know where they are going.

They will push you to see if they can get that sense of security until they get it, or until you lose it, and yell at them to stop.

If you want to develop a parenting style that feels natural, and doesn’t include power struggles, or yelling, have a look at my free step by step lessons on becoming a world class parent.

Thanks.

As found on Youtube

 

As found on Youtube

Authoritarian Parenting

 

 

Categories
Parenting

Parents Of Rebellious Teenage Boys

Parenting Troubled Teenage Boys

Finding the help that you need for a troubled teenage boys can be very challenging.

It takes a lot of understanding and knowledge so that you an help your son by getting him the help that he needs.

It can be a real challenge to admit when your teenage son has a problem with something.

You might notice that he is withdrawn and depressed, involved in criminal behavior, or just being overly reckless.

These things can lead to more serious problems in adulthood if they are not dealt with during your son’s teenage years.

Understanding What Behaviors are Normal

Of course before you can determine if you have a troubled teenage son you have to understand what normal teenage behaviors are.

Many times parents do not realize that a behavior change is normal and start to think that their son has a problem that he does not have.

If this happens it can have an opposite effect on the teen and can cause him to turn to inappropriate behaviors that he feels he is already being accused of.

A Look at Teenage Behaviors

It is important that you understand which actions are normal and which ones are a red flag that there is something more going on with your teenager.

Mood Swings

All teens are going to have mood swings because of the hormonal changes that are happening in their life.

Parenting Teenagers: Boys

Your son might have a hard time being able to manage their emotions and could be irritable.

If your teen is constantly sad, has a significant change in his grades, begins having difficulty sleeping, is depressed, suffers from anxiety, or has a major change in their personality than you will want to get them help with how to handle these emotions and feelings.

Changing How They Look

It is normal for your son to want to have a trendy appearance and to have a desire to fit in.

However if you notice an extreme change in weight (gain or loss), evidence of self harm/cutting, problems at school, or negative impact on their life that is accompanying their change in appearance you will want to talk to them to see what else is going on.

Teenage Boys: Alcohol/Drug Use

While all parents want their teenage son to refrain from drinking or using drugs this is not really practical in today’s society.

Most teens have drank or used drugs before they complete high school.

A little experimentation is completely normal.

Signs that there could be a problem include an inability to function without drugs or alcohol, criminal behavior to support their habit, or having social problems that they did not have before.

Teenage Boys: Arguing and Acting Out

You are going to fight with your teenage son.

If you hear someone say that they never fight with their teenage son, you can assume that they are lying to you because this is not normal.

Teens are beginning to get a taste for their independence which means that they are not always going to agree with you. It does not become a problem until they are skipping school, having legal issues, becoming violent or aggressive, or getting into fights.

Teenage Boys: Friends are the Main Influence

It is also common for you to lose your place as the influence of your child’s behavior when they are a teenager.

Teenage Boys:

This is especially true for teenage sons.

Your teenage aged boy is going to withdrawal from you and your relationship will change normally when they are seeking to find approval from their peers.

If your child is willing to do negative things to fit in with a new group of friends, is getting into trouble, or is starting to have trouble in school you should be concerned.

Understanding what is normal behavior for your teen can help you to determine if your son has a problem and if you need some additional help for these challenges.

 

Even at a young age,  Rivers was always acting out in school  and getting in trouble.

He flooded his art class  by plugging up the sink  and one time  he cut a kids backpack open and all the books came out.

He drew a racist cartoon, sent to the office  and got suspended.

He was always a bully. Rivers has always been defiant and even then, Angie and Hunter  wouldn’t discipline him.

He behaves this way with you two for a couple of reasons.

One, you trigger it. And number two, he knows it works.

He can get away, he can grab your wrist and twist , wrestle your phone out  of your hand,  call you a bitch and slam the door and he knows there’s not one consequence  gonna come form it, true?

True.

He doesn’t go to school and he gets  to play video games all day.

We agree, but we feel like,  having the cops come  and put him in the back of the cop car  and get him to school  and he wouldn’t to school  so we put him in a psychiatric hospital and we’ve had him on medication and counseling.

Is it just me?

No, Rivers controls them with, when they would call the police to come get him to take him to school  Rivers figured out  real quick that if he started using the catch phrase, “I’ll run away,” well then the phone calls to the police stopped.

Now he realizes “I’ll run away” doesn’t, you know,  he is up to “I’ll kill myself.”

And so he knows to up  the ante– He’s elevated  the threat.

To threaten them to maintain control.

I don’t know that it’s appropriate to fight  the war against the war against mental illness with the same quiver of arrows that you do  a normal child.

I think there’s certainly behavioral dysfunction  but I don’t know that there’s mental illness here.

All signs point to no  from my stand point, but I don’t that– I’m happy to know that.

I haven’t diagnosed him yet.

But I see no indication whatsoever  of mental illness here.

What I see here is a spoiled brat kid who gets rewarded for bad behavior,  that’s what I know.

Now there may be mental  illness on top of that, (audience applauding)  there may be mental illness on top of that  and that has yet to be determined, but He’s had psychological evaluations  at all the hospitals and they’ve all said the same things.

No matter what I’m saying  to the two of you, you’re saying yeah but.

I’m saying look he’s not going  to school and he gets to stay home and play video games.

Yeah but, I mean we call the police and they say he’s not a criminal so we just got to let him  play the video games.

Really?

I say look you’re rewarding bad behavior  when he gets away with calling  you names and twisting your wrist yeah but, I mean he’s bigger than me.

Yeah but, yeah but, yeah but,  no matter what I say you’re saying yeah but.

He calls you names.

He attacks you physically.

He’s disrespectful.

He does not perform and you’re allowing that to happen.

True or false?

True. True.

And his behavior is situation specific.

It happens when  there are folks requiring him  to do something he doesn’t want to do.

Yes.

It’s either teachers or parents.

He has a very immature level of problem solving and problem recognition.

He’s very immature right now  and you’re rewarding immature behavior.

True or false.

That’s true. True.

Okay, thank you.

Ha.

(audience applauding)  Now, what you should be thinking  right now is okay baldy  so what do we do instead.

Okay now he had a seizure when he was one?

He was two.

Two. Febrile seizure yeah.

Scared the bee geebers out of you?

Yes. I carried my son Jay into the operating room at four weeks old.

I carried him in.

I was on staff at the hospital and he had to have emergency surgery.

Scared me to death.

Scared his mother, she ain’t over it yet.

Yes, it was horrible.

And you can remember me carrying  him in there right this second, can you not?

Yes, he had been crying so hard to put that IV in.

He was just so tiny and when you were walking down the hall  I could see his little head,  just still crying and shaking.

I do understand and it makes you handle that child  from the beginning differently than you would handle him if that hadn’t happened.

Little differences real early on  become big differences later on.

Your job as a parent is to prepare him for the next level of life.

Yes sir.

And you’re not doing that.

No.

And we need to start doing that..

As found on Youtube Teenage Boys:

Categories
Baby

Parenting Tips

Parenting Tips for Infants

Having a baby is one of the most exciting times in your life but when all of that excitement wears off it can be overwhelming and even scary.

Learning how to parent an infant is going to take practice.

It is important to remember that no two infants are alike so what worked for your first child is not likely to work for your second.

For a while it is a guessing game while you find out what is going to work for you.

There are many areas for which you might need parenting tips to help you with your infant.

These include nursing, soothing, sleeping, taking care of yourself, getting dad more involved, and how to handle yourself when you are out with your infant.

Parenting Tips for Nursing Success

Reach Out for Help – Statistics show that moms who are willing to ask for help are more likely to stick with nursing and are likely to nurse for a longer period of time.

Get Help after Birth – While you are still in the hospital it is important to get the help that you can for nursing.

Be Prepared – Nursing is a process and if you are counting down the minutes your baby is going to feel your anxiety.

So find ways to remain relaxed when your baby needs to nurse.

Parenting Tips for Soothing Your Infant

Swaddle – Many infants feel well connected to you when they are swaddled.

This also can help to soothe them because it reminds them of when they were in the womb.

Music Helps – Music can help you to relax which is good for trying to soothe your infant when they are upset.

They might also feel that music is soothing, especially if you listened to a lot of music while you were pregnant.

Learn Your Own Tricks – Since everyone’s infant is different there is sure to be a soothing trick that is going to work for your little one but you will have to figure out what it is first.

Some suggestions might be bouncing, rocking, or dancing with your baby.

Parenting Tips for Sleeping

Ignore How Tired You Are – If you want to have an infant that sleeps well then you will need to take a different approach.

It is a good idea for you to ignore how tired you might feel to help reduce your own stress which could make it harder for your baby to sleep as well.

Take Turns Sleeping – When there are two parents it is essential that both parents take turns sleeping and waking with the new infant.

If only one parent works outside of the home then weekends are a great time for them to step up to night time duty while the stay at home partner can get some rest.

Don’t Be Afraid to Take Naps – Many new moms try to do too much while their infant is sleeping.

It is a great idea to take naps and spend time sleeping on the same schedule as your little one.

Parenting Tips for How to Handle Being Out

Get Help – Ask your mom friends about their best tips for going out with their little ones or ask someone to go out with you to help with your new infant.

Grandparents, other family members, and close friends are likely to be excited to help you.

Have a Bag Ready – Keeping a fully stocked diaper bag ready to go is a great tool for getting out the door easily.

Make sure to clean out the bag and repack it each time that you come home so that it is always ready to go.

Embrace Things – Learning to go with the flow and embrace what is happening at the moment is essential when you are going out with your infant.

These tips are great for being able to help you with parenting your infant.

Your baby’s sense of security and feeling loved comes from having all of their needs met each day.

So why not establish a regular routine that helps them determine what to expect throughout their day?

It will make it easier for you to tend to all their daily needs.

Though your child’s needs will change as they grow, there are steps you can take to be prepared to meet their needs and yours.

From diapering to sleeping to soothing baths, our experts have answers to your most pressing questions about your baby’s development.

In this series of videos,

you’ll discover how to choose clothing that benefits your baby’s learning and development;

which activities foster your little one’s thinking and engage their motor skills;

and why routines are essential to your baby’s confidence and overall well-being.

Check out our collection of videos to learn how you can best meet your growing baby’s daily needs.

As found on Youtube

Infant

Infant is a word that came from the Latin term, infans, which means speechless or not capable of speaking.

An infant is a pretty young offspring, also known as a baby.

An infant who is born within day, weeks or hours from birth is called a newborn.

The word “newborn,” include post-mature infants, full term newborns and premature infants.

In medical books, the word newborn (neonate) refers to babies who are between the 1st 28 days from birth.

Toddler

Toddler is a young kid, who has freshly learned to walk.

During this stage, the kid learns about motor skills, social roles and begins using his/her first language.

This is a crucial stage in development and is noted for their negativistic manner.

They habitually say no which, in reality, it’s a yes.

They are also little explorers, and they are basically curious on everything.

Difference between Infant and Toddler

Infant and toddler are both children. However, infants are younger (under 1 year old) than toddlers (1 to 3 years.).

Infants start crawling in this age while toddlers are beginning to walk and stand.

In communicating, an infant’s cry is its basic communication while a toddler begins to say 2-word phrases.

Infants don’t have teeth while toddlers have a number of teeth, and they are continuously growing.

Infants only drink milk through breastfeeding or in bottles while toddlers are starting to eat solid foods by using a spoon but still drink milk.

Infants can barely hold objects, as for toddlers, they are happy throwing and picking up objects.

Infant and toddler have basic needs.

These necessities are essential for their healthy growth and development.

Parents or the people who look after these children should have enough patience in dealing with them.

Parenting Tips for Toddlers

Parenting a toddler is hard work.

It can be such a challenging time for parents to figure out how to discipline, help cultivate their child, and keep their child healthy.

Parenting tips for toddlers offer you an excellent choice for own needs.

10 Parenting Tips for Toddlers

What You Need to Keep Your Toddler Safe

Toddlers are hard to keep safe because they explore, climb, and get into everything.

Remember to keep all medications in child-proof bottles and out of the reach of your toddler.

Also, you should make sure that you are following all car seat recommendations and that you keep your child rear facing for as long as possible and in a five-point harness until they are long past their toddler years.

Give Your Child Positive Attention

Spend time with your toddler getting to know them.  Read, play games, do crafts, and spend time learning about the things that your toddler enjoys.

Doing these things will help your child to have a happy early childhood and will help you to maintain a close relationship with them as they get older.

Feed Your Child What They Need to Stay Healthy

Toddlers have a lot of health needs that are often neglected by parents because they do not realize how important they are.

Toddlers need meals that are balanced and snacks that come from whole food sources.

Toddlers should not be drinking sugary drinks or excessive amounts of juice.

Learn How to Help Your Child Speak

Many toddlers have speech issues and concerns.

If you feel that your child is not in tune with where they should be, then you should talk to your healthcare provider.

Between the ages of 7 and 15 months, your child should start by saying mama and dada.

Then when your child is between the period of 11 and 22 months, they should have between four to six words that you can recognize and that they understand the meaning of.

Finally, when your child is between the ages of eighteen and twenty-seven months, they should be able to say fifty or more words.

Show Your Child How Much You Love Them

Make sure that you express your love to your child.  Show your child that you love them by hugging and kissing them.

Also be sure to tell your child that you love them often, especially when they are having a bad day or struggling with something.

Help Your Child Master Potty Training

Potty training is tough.  One of the things that you can do with your child is helping them to learn how they can master their potty training.

This means that you will help your child come up with a plan that can work with them as well.

Handle Your Child’s Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums are something that is going to happen with a toddler.

They are inevitable.

However, the way that you handle them is going to drastically change how long they last and with the intensity that they have.

Remember not to give in to temper tantrums but look for cues that your child is about to have one so that you can help them react positively instead.

Be Consistent with Your Child

Consistency in parenting is key.  It is especially important during the toddler years when children are learning about decision making and consequences.

Parenting Tips  for Picky Eaters

If you have a picky eater, you might have to get creative with what you are feeding them.

Continue to offer new choices and do not be afraid to offer incentives for trying new foods.

If your child is asking for more berries but has not tried their vegetable, tell them that if they try their vegetable that they will get the berries that they want.

Talk to Your Child

You will also want to talk to your child.

Toddlers are developing their personality so it is going to be fun to talk to your child and learn who they are becoming.

Ask them questions and listen to their answers.

Play with them, tell them stories and have them tell you your own stories.

Learning how to be a great parent to toddlers is vital for you to be able to have success with parenting when your child gets older.

Doing these things can help you with your ability to make it through the toddler years experiencing greater joy than you might have expected.

 

With so many options available in the toy aisles today, it’s no wonder many parents feel overwhelmed when shopping for play items for their little one.

The best toys for your growing baby are ones that support their development and encourage them to reach, stretch and concentrate.

Yes, that’s right, concentrate!

But, what do those toys look like?

And, how will you know which ones are safe and developmentally appropriate for your baby?

In this series of videos, our experts offer advice on what kinds of activities are best for babies ages six to nine months old.

Some of their suggestions might surprise you and may make you think twice about how to engage and stimulate your child.

Consider the tips in these tutorials to help you select toys that will delight your child’s senses, motivate their movement and inspire their sense of discovery.

As found on Youtube

Categories
Parenting

Positive Parenting Teenagers

Parenting Teenagers Girl or boy’s

Being a teenage girl is very hard but being their parent is even more difficult.

There are a lot of stress and complications that adolescent girls are faced with today that they would not have had to face in the recent past.

Today’s teenage girls are at very high risk for specific behaviors including self-mutilation, substance abuse, self-harming behaviors, eating disorder, anxiety, and depression.

So many teenagers  do not know how to cope with the issues that they are faced with successfully.

Also, they might feel ashamed or could be afraid of what you are going to think.

So it is essential that parents be able to learn how they are going to parent their teenage daughter even when they feel as though they are locked out, frustrated, or ineffective.

The teenage years are the final years of childhood and a time when your child is going to need you even more. You will need to be supportive, loving, guiding, and understanding during these very trying years with your daughter.

6 Tips to Help You With Parenting Teenage Girls

These six tips can help you when you are trying to be a good parent to a teenage girl.

Understand the Signs of Depression

It is essential that you understand the main signs of depression if you have a teenage daughter.

Parenting Teenagers: Girls

You will want to get immediate help if you see that your daughter is suffering from any of these.

  • The following are the signs of depression:
    sadness that lasts for longer than 14 days
    frequent crying
    being hopeless,
    loss of interest
    always being bored
    isolating herself
    guilt
    low self-esteem
    increase in irritability
    relationship issues
    frequent headaches
    frequent stomach aches
    self-destructive behavior
    thoughts of suicide

Importance of Sun Screen

While it might not sound like that big of a deal, it is essential that you teach your teenage daughter about the importance of sunscreen. Many moms forget to talk to their daughters about this because they grew up hanging out in the sun without sunscreen of their own, so they do not realize what a big deal this is. In fact, today’s teen is more likely to get skin cancer than you are. Statistics has proved that if a teenage girl does not wear sunscreen now and is exposed to the sun frequently, then they are probably going to have skin cancer at some point during their life. The sun and our environment are different then they were when you were a teenager.

Healthy Eating

It is essential your teenage daughter understand the importance of healthy eating. Not only will eating healthy help them manage their weight, but it will also help them to reduce their risk of depression and have improved moods. Getting the right vitamins and nutrients is essential for your daughter to feel her best.

The Importance of Exercise

Most people do not realize how important getting enough exercise is. Not only does exercise help you maintain a physically healthy body but it also helps you to be more mentally healthy.

Teaching your daughter to be physically active from a young age is essential for a lifetime of good health.

Menstrual Issues

It is also essential that you listen to your daughter if she has a lot of complaints about menstruation.

Talk to her about what the issues are and get her medical attention if there are any fears or concerns.

Discussions of Body Art

Many experts agree that a teenage girl might be considering a move to the wild side when she starts talking about body piercings or tattoos.

Teenage girls who do these tend to be more involved in other activities that are not appropriate for their age and are more likely to battle with addiction and substance abuse issues.

Using these simple tips will help you to have a healthier relationship with your daughter for years to come.

Parenting Teenage Boys

Parenting teenage boys can be especially tricky for some reasons.

One of these is that they are naturally going through changes in their body that make them harder to talk to and prevent them from being able to express themselves from time to time appropriately.

Tips for Parenting Success with Teenage Boys

Parenting Teenagers: Boys

Learn to Respect Your Son

It is crucial that you learn to respect that your son is becoming an adult.

He is going to need to make some decisions for himself.

Offer Your Help

Know that you should offer your son help whenever he needs it.

Make sure that he knows that you are always there for him.

When you see that he needs help ask him what he wants you to do rather than sitting down and trying to help in your way.

Manage Your Own Emotions

Watching your child grow up before your eyes are desperate for some parents to handle.

Make sure that you keep your own emotions in check and that you are steady in your efforts to avoid pushing your fears or issues on your son.

Love Him

Loving a teenage son can be tough. Tell him that you love him and share with him that you are proud of him. Do not forget to be open about these feelings.

Live What You Say

When you are talking to your son about something, it is essential that you make these lifestyle choices for yourself.

He is not going to respect you if you are telling him to do what you say and not to do what you do.

Admit Your Faults

You should also make sure that you admit your faults and that you tell them when you are wrong.

Admit to the mistakes that you make and take responsibility for their actions.

Learn to Relax

Relaxing and remaining calm, cool, and collected when you are enraged by a decision that your child has made might feel impossible.

However, if you learn how to do this, you will be able to parent your teenage son better.

Learn to Speak Less

You want to use the fewest number of words when speaking to your son.

Research shows that the more that you talk, the quicker that your son is going to tune you out.

Get Him to Talk

Learn how to ask the questions that are going to get your child talking and sharing things with you.

Look at His Mood

If you notice that your son is moody or seems irritable, then it might not be the right time to talk about something.

Try to talk about difficult issues with your son when he is in a good mood.

Quit Trying to Get the Last Word In

As parents, it can be hard to allow your child to have the last word when you are in the middle of an argument or when you are trying to punish him. Instead of having to have the last word in, learn to walk away.

Refrain From Talking Too Much

When you are talking to your child, it is essential that you stop yourself from repeating things that you have said before. Do not worry; your son has heard you even if he is acting like he did not.

Ask for Permission

If you want to give your teenage son, some advice considers asking him for permission first. While you are not required to do this, it will help your son to look at you differently.

Offer Emotional Support

It is not only vital that you be there for your child physically. It is also essential that you offer him the support of his emotions.

These tips can help you to parent your teenage boys successfully.

Parenting Teenage Sons

One of the most challenging roles for parents to fill is that of parenting a teenage son.

The teenage years are the most crucial for your son.

These are the years that are going to help him be raised into a moral and outstanding citizen or will turn him into someone who is constantly struggling with trying to do what is right.

Many teenage boys who choose poor behavior during these years end up making poor choices throughout adulthood.

While too much responsibility can be the breaking point for a girl during her teenage years, having more responsibility can actually help a teenage boy become a more responsible adult.

This is a crucial stage where parents have to make appropriate decisions in their parenting.

As a parent you must learn how to be accepting and loving of your son.

You must also make sure that your son knows that you are willing to support him.

Challenges for Mothers

Mothers of teenage boys find that communication becomes challenging.

Their once talkative pre-teen son will suddenly become quiet and quit talking to them.

Moms tend to want to talk to their sons but during the challenging teenage years they must learn that less is more.

So moms have to learn how to say as much as possible with the smallest number of words.

Challenges for Fathers

Fathers are going to be their teenage son’s main role model.

This is a tremendous amount of pressure for them.

Your teenage son should be introduced to adulthood through certain rights of passage by his dad.

This is actually something that has been around for centuries and has not been popular recent years.

Studies show that bringing back this trend will help teenage boys become more successful adult men.

Keeping Teen Boys Active

When teenage boys are dealing with excess testosterone it is important that they have an outlet for activity.

Being involved in sports can help them get their aggression out in a positive way.

It is important that teenage boys have a physical outlet for the aggression that are going to be experiencing.

Get Over Your Own Sensitivity

When you are a parent to a teenage son you have to be able to get over any emotional sensitivity that you carry.

Teenage boys are going to be mean and your son is probably going to say something terrible to you at some point.

Learn how to stand tall and not to let this challenge your decisions or expectations of your son.

Know What is Going On

It is a great idea for you to know your son’s friends.  You should also have an awareness of what is going on in his life.

Know the things that he enjoys and be prepared to talk to him about the things that are tough like sex, drugs, and alcohol.

Have Fun

Make sure that everything is not always serious with your teenage son.

Knowing when to have a good time with him and the different things that you two can enjoy together is essential for you to be a successful parent.

Learn to Laugh

It is important that you frequently laugh with your son.

Experience laughter as a form of medicine and let your son know when you think that he is being funny.

Be Empathetic

Learn to look at things from your son’s point of view.

Try to understand where he is coming from.

Know When to Fight

Sometimes it is a good idea to walk away from a situation.

Teenage sons are known for trying to argue with their parents.

When something is not a big deal, let it go and walk away instead of fighting with them.

Have Expectations

You must continue to have expectations for your teenage son.

He should have certain responsibilities and should have consequences if he is not following through with these.

Parenting teen boys is tough but is not impossible and these things can help you to have success.

 

As found on Youtube  Parenting Teenagers

Saturday evening, the first half of Sunday could be a changeover to a mix of rain.

We’ll keep an eye on that.

Thanks.

In today’s positive parenting segment, we talk about how to parenting teenagers.

We’re joined by tom Lenihan.

Describe why it is so hard to get along with teenagers.

To say that teenagers at a time of transition and change are an understatement.

There are lots of different kind of changes going on for teenagers as they make their way toward adulthood including physical, psychological, social changes.

It’s a time of real transition and often turmoil for many adolescents.

How does a parent develop a better relationship with their teen?
The first thing to understand is that it is a time of transition and teenagers, like all children, need encouragement and understanding and need to know their parents are there for them.

Starting conversations, not putting too much pressure on them to talk, and finding connections even with everyday teenagers were they can connect.

You have texting, smartphones, facebook, twitter, so many things that disconnect us from each other, and connection is so important, especially with a teenager.

How do you intervene or create a space between technology and the person?
A lot of folks don’t see it this way, but one way to really look at it is that this is youth culture, and youth culture has always been hanging out, but now youth culture takes place online, and a lot of us did not grow up with online culture, so we have a lot to learn as parents.

One approach takes the time to have a conversation about what is going on on the internet.

Take me there.

Sit down with your teenager, say take me there, shall we what is going on.

Is there a standard mistake parent make with social media and their kids?
I think it may be either to take it too much for granted and know that it is there all the time, and you can set limits on phone and tablet use and computer use.

Guidance and discipline — what are the best ways to accomplish those things?

Teenagers need roots.

They need to know their parents are there and the limits are still there, but they also need wings to start to explore their own identity and sense of right and wrong.

the significant rule of thumb is to help them experience the consequence.

Categories
Parenting

How can I stay more patient with my child

Patience – Key to Being a Patient, Parent

All parents feel like they are failing from time to time.

Sometimes when parents feel like they are overwhelmed with the stress of life and have children who are reacting in negative ways, it can be tough for them to be tolerant and having more .

Children are always going to scream and have meltdowns.

There are five things that you can do to be able to be a more patient parent.

All parents are going to lose their patients from time to time.

It can be difficult for them to be able to become more patient overall.

Take a Time Out

Many parents are with their children all of the time.

They end up getting upset, and because they cannot step away and regroup, they are not able to handle themselves patiently.

To be a more patient parent, it is a great idea to learn how to take a timeout.

If your child does something that upsets you, take a minute to walk away and regroup.

During this time you can focus on the things that you are going to do and how you will handle the situation.

It takes 30 minutes to calm yourself about becoming angry so ask your other half to watch the children while you take a bath or sit and read a book for a while.

Learn to Step Back and Count to Ten

When you start to get frustrated, it can be easy to lose all patience.

Instead of allowing that to take over, look at the situation and step back.

Count to ten while you regroup and then go back in and work to find the right solution.

This is going to help you to make sure that you are not reacting to you think through a problem.

It will help you to be more patient and calm with your child.

If your child does not allow for you to count to ten, lock yourself in a bedroom or bathroom for a few moments to regroup.

Learn to Be Patient with Yourself

You are only one person. So there is a good chance that you will fail sometimes.

You are not going to be patient with your child all of the time.

So make sure that you allow yourself to get over the mistakes that you make.

Realize that you are only human and that from time to time you are going to struggle with things.

Step Back and Look at the Bigger Picture

When you have a young child, you have to realize that they do not care if someone thinks negatively of them for screaming in the supermarket.

This means that when your child is crying and acting out that you should look at the bigger picture and realize that the real problem might have nothing to do with you and more to do with your child just showing their frustration. Children cannot be reasonable all of the time and are likely to be unreasonable most of the time.

Practice Being a More Patient Person

While it is hard not to snap when your children are overly demanding or not behaving, you will benefit from practicing being more patient.

Rehearse going through different situations that you will be faced with and practice handling them more patiently.

Doing all of these things will help you to become a more patient parent who is going to benefit both you and your children.

Okay, so today’s question is: Do I have any tips to help you be more patient with your children?

It’s hard to be patient with those little guys, they can be lots of fun, but lots of crazy too.

So, first we got to really think about what is patience, where does it come from.

And, so, generally speaking the ability to be comfortably patient, I’m not talking about patient when you’re just being patient, but when you’re comfortably patient, like, “alright, whatever.”

When you’re chill and you’re patient, it’s because you’re calm on the inside.

And, so, what it really takes is to make sure you are taking care of yourself, to make sure that you are doing what it takes to keep your center, to find your zero on a scale from zero to ten, to really bring yourself back so that your insides are feeling calm and grounded and peaceful.

And I know that’s a little hard to do, especially when it’s chaotic, but at those times it’s the most important to prioritize yourself. I can’t stress that enough.

It’s very important to take care of yourself. And, so, what are some suggestions, one, make sure you’re getting enough sleep, first of all. The idea of being patient is very difficult when you’re exhausted.

I mean we have no inner strength when we’re just shot.

So, it’s really important to try to get as much sleep as you can.

Make sure you’re getting enough sleep ’cause being patient is not gonna be very easy if you’re exhausted.

Number two is meditation, and I know I say it all the time, and I’m gonna keep saying it because I really do believe it’s very important.

Meditation is the practice of centering yourself.

We sit there in meditation and our mind wanders and then we just come back.

And then our mind wanders, and then we come back. And then our mind wanders, and then we come back.

What we’re doing is we’re building the muscle to bring ourselves to our peaceful, centered state.

And, so, when we can build that muscle and those quiet moments, we’re stronger at being able to stay there, when we’re amidst the chaos of our lives.

One, sleep.

Two, meditation.

Three, exercise.

Make sure you’re getting a release, make sure you’re taking care of your body. If you feel gross, it affects everything.

The idea of being centered again and being calm has everything to do with how you feel within.

Okay, number four is gonna be expectations.

You can’t expect more of these kids then is reasonable.

So, if you if you expect them to do things, you’re always gonna be frustrated when they’re not actually living up to the expectations. So it’s really important to keep those expectations in check.

And it’s not just with your kids. It’s with people in life in general. If you have expectations of people are always gonna live up to your standards, you’re always gonna be frustrated and you’re not gonna be patient. It’s important to realize that we’re all human, we all make mistakes, sometime we’re clueless. It’s important to really know that we’re all just bouncing around trying our best, and sometimes we know better, and sometimes we don’t.

And so, lastly, expectations was the last one, and then, lastly is just to remember that you are a role model and kids are going to follow in your footsteps. So, whatever it is that you do, not what you say, is what it is that they’re gonna mimic. So if you’re calm, and you’re cool, and you’re not fearful, and you’re easygoing, they’re going to feel that. It’s all contagious, your feelings are contagious, so the more that you focus on really centering yourself, and grounding yourself, the more that they will be calm, and centered, and grounded too, because, energetically, they’re affected by you, and their energy will shift by being in your presence. So it’s not about what you’re saying, it’s really about who you’re being.

I mean, my mother, God bless her, she meditated for an hour a day. My whole entire life, every day, I knew that, this hour to that hour, mom went to her room, and she sat in her chair and she meditated. And I had no idea what that meant or what that was doing, but I knew the days that she didn’t meditate, ’cause she was a little bit more “ughh” than she usually was, and we would joke with her as kids: “Mom, we think you should go meditate.”

I could probably count on one hand the amount of time she raised her voice to us. So, it really does say something, and then, now I meditate because I watched that, not because she told me to, but because I learned. So it’s very important to realize that you are a role model.

So taking care of yourself, valuing your own well-being, taking care of your exercise, your sleep, your eating, all these things, everything that you do they’re watching.

So be your best self and take care of yourself, because that’s gonna be the best thing you can do for your children.

All right, hopefully that was helpful..

As found on Youtube

Categories
Parenting

Is Parental Alienation Is Present

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental alienation syndrome or PAS is a very tragic situation in which one parent can turn a child against the other parent.  This typically happens during a divorce situation.

The parent could be alienating the child from the other parent unconsciously because of their strong feelings about the other parent, or they could be doing it consciously because of their strong beliefs that they have.

PAS occurs when a child starts to have strong feelings towards one of their children because of the things that the other parent says about them.

Usually, this happens when a child’s parents can not get along and have deep feelings of dislike or hatred towards the other parent.

This can be done to be malicious, but sometimes it is done in a way that is not intentional by the other parent.

In fact, it could simply happen because the child feels the tension between the two parents and blames one of the parents for this tension.

This is not a problem that is seen in all parts of the world but instead is a problem that is more commonly associated with the United States.

This is caused by the custodial parent making the child feel sorry about the non-custodial parent.

However, it can occur in the opposite situation as well whereas the non-custodial parent blames the custodial parent for all of the issues.

This happens when one of the parents has an intense hatred towards the other parent for no real reason.

Even if the two parents have a right to hate one another those reasons should not be information that is shared with the child.

The child who is being turned against one of their parents will start to model and display specific behaviors towards the other parent.

These behaviors include a total lack of respect, a disregard for the parent’s feelings, insulting or even abusing the parent.

The child is going to display a series of eight behaviors.  These are as follows:

Behavior # 1 – The child is going to alienate one of their parents and will start to turn that parent into a villain.

He might begin to call that parent abusive or say terrible things to them for no reason at all.

Behavior # 2 – When the parent asks why they are being treated this way by the child, the child is not going to be able to give a good reason for this.  In some cases, the reasoning might even be absurd.

Behavior # 3 – The child is going to be mad at the parent all of the time.  They will even show permanent discord with the parent.

Behavior # 4 – The child is going to feel as though they made all of these decisions about the aligned parent themselves.

They might even share stories of events that happened to them that are untrue, but the child is convinced that they are correct.

Behavior # 5 – The child is going to be overly supportive of the parent that is alienating the other parent.

They might even idolize this parent and claim that this parent is perfect rather than admitting to this parent’s problems or faults.

Behavior # 6 – The child will not feel sorry about how they treat the parent that they are alienating.

Behavior # 7 – The child is going to portray the feelings of the parent that is alienating the other parent.

They are going to have opinions of events and things that they should not even have knowledge of or be worried about.

Behavior # 8 – Also the child is going to have a lot of strong feelings about the alienated parent’s family and friends.

They are going to claim negative things about them all as well.

Regardless of the reasoning that one parent has to feel bad about the other parent, it is essential that the child not know that.

PAS, Parental Alienation, PA, : Hostile, Aggressive, Parenting, HAS Psychological Abuse, Psychological Stress, Brainwashing,

Parental Alienation

Thought Reform, Character Assassination, Transfer of Custody.

What is enmeshment or pathological enmeshment?

Here’s a quote for you: “Pathological enmeshment is where the alienating parent has unhealthy enmeshment with a child to the point where the child has lost his or her own individuality” – by Stephen G Miller.

It’s all about boundaries, and this is not every case, but for a lot of you, about the lack of boundaries is so severe it becomes a case of enmeshment.

Enmeshment is where the parent tries to strip the individuality of the child and make him or her they’re equal. It frequently happens when your ex is lonely, and they don’t have a new love in their life a new boyfriend a girlfriend, so they inappropriately put your child in an equal role– an equal adult role.

They will tell them everything… they’ll say to them inappropriate adult subject matters, they’ll talk about you in very graphic terms almost like they’re talking to their best friend. This lack of boundaries spills over, and sometimes it even leads to what’s called “emotional incest.”

-we won’t get into that, but you can figure out what that is by the title of it.

So they don’t want the child to be independent, they want your child to be an automaton and just an automatic equal to them, and it spills they try to spill all of their emotional garbage into your child’s brain and try to get sympathy; and basically try to make them equal and intertwined like this.

And one day if your child rebels, well hell will hath no fury because that alienation will try to guilt the child into allegiance.

This happens all the time in cases like this, so enmeshment is an awful form of child abuse.

What I’ve read, and what the professionals say, is that the effects of this on the child are not very good– frequently depression, alcohol abuse, a lack of boundaries on the child’s end, if that makes any sense.

So the child is primarily being taught no boundaries well they have no limits in their own life, and it leads to everything from depression to alcohol abuse and a whole host of other problems. So it might not be going on your case, but for those of you that is, I implore you to Google the word enmeshment, pathological enmeshment, psychological enmeshment, and emotional enmeshment to get more information on that.

But I just wanted to give you a quick primer and see if maybe this is affecting you– it did in my case and but again there’s hope for you, it can be overcome.

I did overcome it with my son, we have an excellent relationship today.

Hello, my name is Cassandra Pillonel, and I’m an attorney with the Austin, Texas offices of Cordell & Cordell.

I’m going to speak to you today about parental alienation and what you can do to recognize the signs of parental alienation and prepare your case to speak to a judge about parental alienation issues.

Parental alienation is becoming a very serious problem, and it’s more and more recognized by the courts.

Courts are taking action to help correct and remediation issues of parental alienation, but it’s important for parents to also recognize symptoms, so that they can present those to the court. So, it may be helpful for you to look out and talk to your attorney about some of the contributions of the alienating parent.

For instance, does the alienating parent fail to pass on letters or phone messages from the other parent?

Does the alienating parent strongly support a child’s right to make their own decisions about visiting the other parent?

Does the alienating parent strongly denigrate the other parent? Does that parent do so within the child’s presence?

Does that parent also encourage the child to denigrate the other parent?

Does the alienating parent tell the child stories about the other parents’ lack of love or lack of care, or does the alienating parent harbor deep distrust or fear of the other parent?

Remember, this is not an exhaustive list. There may be other issues that exist in your case, but this is at least a starting point from which to begin a conversation with your attorney about alienation.

Also, are you observing changes in your child’s behavior?

Are you observing those changes both before and after a period of possession?

Is your child acting fearful?

Is your child having nightmares?

Is your child behaving in a paranoid manner.

Is your child exhibiting some other stress symptoms, for example is your child suddenly bedding wetting?

Is your child suddenly sharing with you details about the divorce, about child support, or possession orders, things that the child shouldn’t have knowledge of?

Again, this is not an exhaustive list of what children undergo when they’re victim of alienation, but it is a a good starting point which to have a conversation with your attorney about some of the issues connected with alienation.

If you feel like you’re a victim of it parental alienation, have a talk with your attorney, talk about some of the facts involved.

You may decide that you want an expert involved, or you may decide that this is a matter that’s left for the court to hear.

Either way, it’s very important to bring these matters to your attorneys attention, so that you can address the parental alienation issues now before they get worse.

Thank you for listening to this very brief explanation of what you can do if you believe that you have been a victim parental alienation..

As found on Youtube

Welcome and thank you for joining us. During tonight’s show we will be discussing how to identify some of the early signs of parental alienation.

So what are some of the clues that suggested parent may be the target of an alienating individual?

The children perceive one parent is causing financial problems of the other parent.

The children appear to have knowledge of details relating to the legal aspects of the divorce or separation.

The children shows some negative changing their attitude toward the targeted parent.

The children appear uneasy around target parent they resort to one-word answers and failed to engage openly in conversations as they previously have done.

The children are uncharacteristically rude and or belligerent to target parent.

Access time is not occurring as agreed upon or court ordered visitation is being unilaterally cut back by the other parent. However the hostile aggressive parent may try to schedule visitation access during a time they know would impractical or impossible for the targeted parent to accept.

That is during the targeted parents normal work schedule. They made then tell the child: “See I told you he doesn’t care about you.”

The hostile aggressive parent will also use these instances is quasi exculpatory evidence in the event they face accusations of alienation of affection.

The hostile aggressive parent undermines the other parent or speaks disparagingly about other parent in the presence of the children.

The hostile aggressive parent starts making reference to other apparent as being abusive and a risk to their children with no apparent good reason.

Allowing children to choose whether or not to visit a parent even though the court has not empowered the parent or children to make that choice.

Telling their children about why the marriage failed and giving them the details about the divorce or separation settlement.

Refusing the other apparent access to medical and school records our schedules of extracurricular activities.

Blaming the other apparent for not having enough money, changes in lifestyle or other problems in the children’s prisons.

Rigid enforcement of the visitation schedule for no good reason other than getting back at the other parent.

Asks the children to choose one parent over the other. Reminding the children that their children have good reason to feel angry toward their other parent.

Reopening old wounds preventing the normal healing process from occurring.

Setting up temptations that interfere with visitation.

Giving the children the impression that having a good time on a visit will hurt the parent.

Asking their children about the other parents personal life.

Rescuing their children from the other parent when there is no danger.

Simply put the parents engaging in such behavior are unfit abusive parents putting their own emotional needs before those of their children.

So, how serious is this and what could a parent expect if the child succumbs to the alienation?

In severe cases of parental alienation the child is utterly brainwashed against the targeted parent.

The alienating parent can truthfully say that the child does not want to spend any time with the targeted parent.

Even though the alienating parent has told the child that he has to.

The alienating parent typically responds: “There isn’t anything that I can do about it I told him you’re the only dad he has and he needs to give you a chance.

I’m not telling him that he can’t see you.” Sorry but we are out of time and that concludes tonight’s show.

Categories
Education

Moral Dilemmas for Students

Moral Dilemmas

Today’s students have more moral dilemmas than children had in the past.

Sometimes it is not possible for you to think about what is good or bad, right or wrong.

Moral Dilemmas: Hear no evil, see no evil and speak no evil’

Most of the time something is considered a moral dilemma when it is not something that you want to do either way.

This is something that is even more challenging for students because they have not developed entirely mentally and have a harder time figuring these types of issues and problems out.

There are many different types of moral dilemmas that each person has. Here are some of the most common ones.

Moral Dilemmas: Cheating – One of the things that are hardest for students is the moral dilemma of whether or not they should cheat.

Most students feel like there is so much pressure on them from family and teachers that when they are overwhelmed the temptation to cheat is enormous.

Dating Dilemmas– There are many different dating dilemmas that students face.

One of the most common dating dilemmas happens when two friends like the same person.

If both friends go after this person, they could end up losing their friendship because when one gets jealous this could be the result.

The best bet is for the friends to be honest about their feelings.

The other colossal dating dilemma that is faced by young people is how they are going to behave morally.

Moral Dilemmas: Money – Students feel like they need money for things.

Sometimes they might even feel as though there are many different things that they could spend this money on.

The temptation to “steal” or “sneak” money from others is genuine as well.

There is a lot of mental conflict for the students when they are faced with some of these events.

Students have to choose between two things with each of these situations.

Adults that the student’s respect can play a huge role in helping them to make the right decisions.

While parents are not able to be with their students all of the time, they can prepare their students for these types of situations and talk to them about what the right choices would be.

The best way to prepare your children for these types of situations and moral dilemmas is to talk to them about the circumstances.

It is vital that you talk to your child about the details but that you do not tell them what they should do.

Instead, you should ask them questions about what they think that the right choice should be.

Explain to your child that there are no black and white in all situations but rather that some conditions will be in the gray area and that they might not know how to handle themselves.

Encourage them to talk to you or any adult whom they respect for help in these tough situations.

The following quick tips to teach your children about morality can really help you in this process.

The first is that you must help you child identify the morals that are important to them and what they want to stand for.

Moral Dilemmas: right wrong answer decision

Remind your child that these can be different for everyone and share yours for inspiration.

Do not judge what your child chooses even if it is not what you would have had in mind for him or her.

Modeling these moral behaviors is also key because children learn best from what they see and their parents are their biggest models.

Tip three is to make sure that you have a strong and healthy relationship with your child.

The stronger your relationship is the less your child is going to feel torn by moral dilemmas.

Make sure that your children understand what your morals are.

Explain them to them and define the things that you are most interested in.

The fifth tip is that you should give your children positive reinforcement.

When they choose to do something right you should reward them with something positive even if it is just telling them how proud you are of them for their choice.

Finally you need to make sure that your children have good role models.

Help them choose the right type of people to look up to.

🙉short-stories-for-kids-with-morals-the-monkey-and-the-crocodile-prince-of-monkeys

Once upon a time in the middle of a thick forest flowed a big river. In the middle of the river there was a beautiful island covered with Mango, Jack fruit and other fruit trees.

A clever monkey lived by himself near the river banks he was very strong and was also a good jumper there happened to be a rock sticking out of the water halfway between the bank and the island.

Although it looked impossible the clever monkey was used to jumping from the riverbank to the rock and from the rock to the island he would eat fruits all day haha these fruits keep me young and energetic and then return home by the same route each evening thank god for this stone if it was not here i would not be able to relish these tasty fruits A crocodile couple lived next to the same river mr. and mrs. crocodile they were expecting their first brood of baby crocks my dear nowadays i have cravings to eat strange food i am bored of eating the fish that you bring every day because she was pregnant Mrs.

Crocodile wanted to eat different things so she made unusual demands on her faithful husband just like the other animals Mrs. crocodile was amazed at the way the clever monkey jumped back and forth to the island I wonder how the monkey is managing to go to be other side of the river for the fruits why do you worry about that it’s none of our business one day it so happened that mrs. crocodiles tasted a fruit which was floating in the river ah this fruit is so tasty i have never ever tasted something like this in my life nothing can compare to the taste of this fruit come on stop your boasting listen if this food tastes so good then the monkey who’s living on this fruit must be enjoying his meal everyday she developed a sudden craving to eat the heart of the monkey she told mr.

Crocodile about her desire darling i think the heart of the monkey would be very tasty because it eats only these fruits every day what the monkeys heart as you in your senses do you realize what you’re talking about i do not know anything i want to eat the monkeys heart it’s not possible to catch a monkey do you think it’s an easy task I don’t want any excuses somehow please get me the monkey’s heart -to-please her he promised to get the monkey’s heart ok ok i will somehow try to get the heart for you mr.

Crocodile began thinking seriously are you thinking of a plan can I help you know I’m very good at giving advice will you please stop and leave me alone to think of a plan mr. crocodile thought for some time and suddenly he said aha I’ve got an idea let me try it out tomorrow morning now i can sleep peacefully the next morning mr. Crocodile when swimming near the rock and lay down on the rock between the riverbank and the island let me wait here for the monkey to come he waited for the clever money to return that evening planning to catch him as usual the clever monkey spent the whole day on the island what a a lovely place oh oh – its time to return to home bye trees see you tomorrow the monkey was about to cross the river but he noticed that the rock seemed to have grown it was higher above water than he remembered hey i’m noticing something different something fishy let me investigate he investigated and saw that the river level was the same as in the morning yes the rock was definitely higher no no no i should be very very careful about water level is the same but the rock has incrased in size and has come up higher so let me check monkey carefully studied the rock immediately he suspected that the cunning mr.

Crocodile was behind this mischief oh my thank God I was a bit cautious or else my now I would have been in the heaven talking to my ancestors let me check to find out for sure he called to the rock hi there mr.rock, how are you he was greeted with silence again he uttered the same words on hearing this mr. crocodile was confused what is it possible that this rock can talk now what do i do the monkey yelled for the third time hi there mr.rock, how are you come on speak out then he shouted you used to answer me when i speak to you but today you say nothing what’s wrong with you mr. rock have I done anything wrong to offend you please speak out mr. crocodile thought no doubt on other days this rock used to talk to the monkey I suppose it’s frightened now because I am lying on it I can’t wait any longer for this dumb rock to speak i was just had to speak for the rock and tick the monkey then he shouted mmm…am fine mr.

Monkey I am NOT angry with you my throat has been infected that’s why I did’nt reply for some time what did you wantwho ae you without thinking the crocodile replied I’m mr. crocodile why are you lying there i’m waiting to take your heart there’s noescape for you mr. monkey the clever monkey thought ah he’s right there’s no other way back to the riverbank I am trapped but somehow I have to escape i have to trick him but how mr.

Monkey thoughtfor sometime yes I have it I have seen that crocodiles eyes close when they open about their moth wide then he yelled mr.crocodile my friend it looks like you’ve got me so I give you my heart open your mouth wide and take it when I come your way that’s goodmy boy mr. crocodile opened his mouth wide and immediately squeezed his eyes shut when the clever monkey saw this he immediately jumped onto the top of mr. crocodile’s head and then instantly to the riverbank when the crocodiles realized he’d been outsmarted he admired monkeys victory like a good sport in a contest he praised the winner he said mr.

Monkey my intention towards you was unwholesome I wanted to kill you and take your heart just to please my wife but you only wanted to save yourself and harm no one I congratulate you saying this mr. crocodile swam back when he reached his home mrs. crocodile learned what had happened at first she was angry with him but when the little ones came they forgot their troubles for awhile the the moral is a good loser is a true gentleman once upon a time there was a cruel monkey king who ruled in the himalayas all the monkeys in his band were his own wives and children he was afraid that one of his son might grow up and take over his kingdom

so it was his policy to bite each son after he was born this altered him so he would be too weak to ever challenges I and why I should be the king of this gang one of the wives of the monkey king was pregnant just in case my unborn child is a son I should protect him from my cruel husband oh god i need to do something so she decided to run away she ran away to a forest in the distant mountains months passed

I’ve been bored staying alone but I will bear this for the sake of my son she soon gave birth to a bright little boy monkey both mother and the son days happily and peacefully volim the baby grew up to be big and scroll one day he asked his body another with my father I would like to see him my son he is the king of the band of monkeys living at the foot of a far-off mountain that makes you a prayer oh please take me to my father

As found on Youtube

Moral Dilemmas post

Categories
Education

Middle Child Syndrome Explained

Middle Child Syndrome

 

Middle child syndrome is more real than most parents want to admit.

The problem comes when they have more than two children and one or more of their middle children feel as though they are lost in the shuffle.

For the middle child, it can be challenging to deal with the order in which they were born.

It is not uncommon for the middle child to be the outcast of the family.

In fact, it is so familiar that many people have named the condition middle child syndrome.

Understanding Just What Middle Child Syndrome Is

Many children who are born in between two or more siblings feel like they are inadequate and can not measure up.

They often experience feelings of emptiness and jealousy.  Some people cannot escape and form an extreme type of introversion.

This is related to low self-esteem and can even lead to issues with psychosis.

Most middle children are not given as much attention as the oldest or youngest child in the family.

They might start to feel like they have to do more to get noticed or to get attention.

Most of the time this causes the middle children to achieve more because they feel like getting awards and honors is the only way that their parents will pay attention to them.

Sometimes though the child feels that they can not earn these awards and this can cause them to act out for negative attention.

In this case, the child is likely to do things wrong just so that they can be punished.

Middle children often suffer from low self-esteem.

This is believed to come from the feelings that they do not have their parents guidance or support.

They tend to be overly friendly and can be looked at as weird by other people.

These children are willing to reach out to others because they usually feel so lonely and empty.

The low self-esteem and self-worth will often make a middle child feel as though they can not succeed in the ways that they want to.

This causes many middle children just to give up and not try to achieve.

A middle child is also seen as someone who is jealous and insecure.

Since the middle child feels like they are always fighting for attention at home, it causes them to feel jealous and insecure around others regardless of where they are at.

When they see others getting the attention that they are always reaching for then they end up feeling jealous of people.

In some cases, when there are extreme feelings of being unloved, unwanted, or even hated, the child might end up showing psychotic behaviors.

Causes of Middle Child Syndrome

There are two leading causes of middle child syndrome.

These children do not feel that they have the support that they need and they are often unable to develop their own identity successfully.

Since the middle child strives to be different than the firstborn or last born child, they tend to try and come up with their personality that is different.

They also feel like they are not as loved as the firstborn or last born children.

Making the Situation More Positive

There are many things that parents can do to avoid having a child with middle child syndrome.

It is important to celebrate all of your children’s accomplishments regardless of which child it is.

It is also essential that you spend time talking to each of your children and that you give each child their particular attention.

This is going to help to reduce the chance of any child, even your middle child, feeling like they are not as important as any of the others.

 

[video_page_section type=”youtube” position=”default” image=”https://peekbaby.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/2018-02-17_13-32-21.jpg” btn=”light” heading=”” subheading=”” cta=”” video_width=”1080″ hide_related=”true” hide_logo=”true” hide_controls=”true” hide_title=”true” hide_fullscreen=”true”]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcXTGFrKx5A[/video_page_section]

Have you ever heard [that] the oldest child in the family tends to be very?

Responsible while children have no siblings are far more likely to be selfish and demanding Obvious merely stereotypes, or is it really true today?

We’ve [decided] to find the answer to this intriguing question how by a border can shape your personality?

the Bathwater Ferry began in the nineteen twenties of alfred elder sigmund freud’s friends in colleague Alder believed that the order in which we were born to a family inherently a sexual personality here is the Ferry the firstborn child according to older the oldest child tends to be conservative power orientated and predisposed Towards leadership

They often take responsibility for the younger siblings

That’s why first born has grown up to be more caring more willing to become parents more likely to take initiative

The Middle child the older brother or sister is a pacesetter to the second child

That’s why they often struggle just to pass their older siblings the pace of development is higher the middle kids in a family often tend To be ambitious for they’re rarely selfish they’re also more likely to set unreasonably high goals to themselves this increases the number of failures however knowing how to cope with

Difficulties in life is what makes them stronger?

The youngest child as a rule the youngest child gets a lot of care and attention from parents and even older siblings

That’s why they may feel less experienced and Independent however

Last forms are usually highly motivated to surpass their older sisters [and] brothers

They achieve big success and on recognition in their chosen field very often

They [become] the fasted athletes the best musicians and most talented Artists the youngest children are family tend to be very sociable though [are] usually more irresponsible and Frivolous than the older children

The only child without any siblings to compete with the only child often compete with his or her father Being overly pampered by their parents the single child expects pampering and protection from everyone around to Dependency and self-centeredness of a leading qualities of our lives the only child often has into interacting with peers

Many children have no siblings become perfectionist, and they usually achieve their goals no matter what?

Now all of these leads are three important questions question one

How does [the] birth order affect IQ scores?

There is a theory saying [that] the order in which you’re born has an impact on your personality [an] IQ level This idea has become very popular recently however it has also created quite a divide among researchers

Some Dismiss the Fairy entirely and others are convinced it plays a crucial role researchers from the University of Leicester Gangaiah Guttenberg University of Maine’s Study more than twenty thousand adults are united States united Kingdom and Germany in this study

They compared siblings of his family and the orders of their birth

They found that older children Generally show higher performance and intelligence tests however the scientists found no birth order effects on emotional stability and imagination Question number two how does birth order affect your personality? another study provided more evidence above water effectual personality the researchers analyzed personality traits of 377,000 High School students in the Usa.

They found the first one since be more honest and dominant however

They’re also less social and less resistant stress

Middle children tend to be more conscientious and diligent the youngest child in the family is more likely to be open and sociable Kids have no siblings often others But they also quite outgoing as social and finally question number three is birth order really that important You have to admit the results of these studies have a number of inaccuracies

The research doesn’t take into account important Social Factors such as ethnicity education Parents, welfare and relationships within a family birth order may have a certain impact on your personality or intelligence however Don’t forget the parent-child relationships and the upbringing that children receive in their homes are much more important factors in shaping their lives as individuals [do] you agree with all of this?

As found on Youtube