Parenting Troubled Teenage Boys
Finding the help that you need for a troubled teenage boys can be very challenging.
It takes a lot of understanding and knowledge so that you an help your son by getting him the help that he needs.
It can be a real challenge to admit when your teenage son has a problem with something.
You might notice that he is withdrawn and depressed, involved in criminal behavior, or just being overly reckless.
These things can lead to more serious problems in adulthood if they are not dealt with during your son’s teenage years.
Understanding What Behaviors are Normal
Of course before you can determine if you have a troubled teenage son you have to understand what normal teenage behaviors are.
Many times parents do not realize that a behavior change is normal and start to think that their son has a problem that he does not have.
If this happens it can have an opposite effect on the teen and can cause him to turn to inappropriate behaviors that he feels he is already being accused of.
A Look at Teenage Behaviors
It is important that you understand which actions are normal and which ones are a red flag that there is something more going on with your teenager.
All teens are going to have mood swings because of the hormonal changes that are happening in their life.
Your son might have a hard time being able to manage their emotions and could be irritable.
If your teen is constantly sad, has a significant change in his grades, begins having difficulty sleeping, is depressed, suffers from anxiety, or has a major change in their personality than you will want to get them help with how to handle these emotions and feelings.
Changing How They Look
It is normal for your son to want to have a trendy appearance and to have a desire to fit in.
However if you notice an extreme change in weight (gain or loss), evidence of self harm/cutting, problems at school, or negative impact on their life that is accompanying their change in appearance you will want to talk to them to see what else is going on.
Teenage Boys: Alcohol/Drug Use
While all parents want their teenage son to refrain from drinking or using drugs this is not really practical in today’s society.
Most teens have drank or used drugs before they complete high school.
A little experimentation is completely normal.
Signs that there could be a problem include an inability to function without drugs or alcohol, criminal behavior to support their habit, or having social problems that they did not have before.
Teenage Boys: Arguing and Acting Out
You are going to fight with your teenage son.
If you hear someone say that they never fight with their teenage son, you can assume that they are lying to you because this is not normal.
Teens are beginning to get a taste for their independence which means that they are not always going to agree with you. It does not become a problem until they are skipping school, having legal issues, becoming violent or aggressive, or getting into fights.
Teenage Boys: Friends are the Main Influence
It is also common for you to lose your place as the influence of your child’s behavior when they are a teenager.
This is especially true for teenage sons.
Your teenage aged boy is going to withdrawal from you and your relationship will change normally when they are seeking to find approval from their peers.
If your child is willing to do negative things to fit in with a new group of friends, is getting into trouble, or is starting to have trouble in school you should be concerned.
Understanding what is normal behavior for your teen can help you to determine if your son has a problem and if you need some additional help for these challenges.
Even at a young age, Rivers was always acting out in school and getting in trouble.
He flooded his art class by plugging up the sink and one time he cut a kids backpack open and all the books came out.
He drew a racist cartoon, sent to the office and got suspended.
He was always a bully. Rivers has always been defiant and even then, Angie and Hunter wouldn’t discipline him.
He behaves this way with you two for a couple of reasons.
One, you trigger it. And number two, he knows it works.
He can get away, he can grab your wrist and twist , wrestle your phone out of your hand, call you a bitch and slam the door and he knows there’s not one consequence gonna come form it, true?
He doesn’t go to school and he gets to play video games all day.
We agree, but we feel like, having the cops come and put him in the back of the cop car and get him to school and he wouldn’t to school so we put him in a psychiatric hospital and we’ve had him on medication and counseling.
Is it just me?
No, Rivers controls them with, when they would call the police to come get him to take him to school Rivers figured out real quick that if he started using the catch phrase, “I’ll run away,” well then the phone calls to the police stopped.
Now he realizes “I’ll run away” doesn’t, you know, he is up to “I’ll kill myself.”
And so he knows to up the ante– He’s elevated the threat.
To threaten them to maintain control.
I don’t know that it’s appropriate to fight the war against the war against mental illness with the same quiver of arrows that you do a normal child.
I think there’s certainly behavioral dysfunction but I don’t know that there’s mental illness here.
All signs point to no from my stand point, but I don’t that– I’m happy to know that.
I haven’t diagnosed him yet.
But I see no indication whatsoever of mental illness here.
What I see here is a spoiled brat kid who gets rewarded for bad behavior, that’s what I know.
Now there may be mental illness on top of that, (audience applauding) there may be mental illness on top of that and that has yet to be determined, but He’s had psychological evaluations at all the hospitals and they’ve all said the same things.
No matter what I’m saying to the two of you, you’re saying yeah but.
I’m saying look he’s not going to school and he gets to stay home and play video games.
Yeah but, I mean we call the police and they say he’s not a criminal so we just got to let him play the video games.
I say look you’re rewarding bad behavior when he gets away with calling you names and twisting your wrist yeah but, I mean he’s bigger than me.
Yeah but, yeah but, yeah but, no matter what I say you’re saying yeah but.
He calls you names.
He attacks you physically.
He does not perform and you’re allowing that to happen.
True or false?
And his behavior is situation specific.
It happens when there are folks requiring him to do something he doesn’t want to do.
It’s either teachers or parents.
He has a very immature level of problem solving and problem recognition.
He’s very immature right now and you’re rewarding immature behavior.
True or false.
That’s true. True.
Okay, thank you.
(audience applauding) Now, what you should be thinking right now is okay baldy so what do we do instead.
Okay now he had a seizure when he was one?
He was two.
Two. Febrile seizure yeah.
Scared the bee geebers out of you?
Yes. I carried my son Jay into the operating room at four weeks old.
I carried him in.
I was on staff at the hospital and he had to have emergency surgery.
Scared me to death.
Scared his mother, she ain’t over it yet.
Yes, it was horrible.
And you can remember me carrying him in there right this second, can you not?
Yes, he had been crying so hard to put that IV in.
He was just so tiny and when you were walking down the hall I could see his little head, just still crying and shaking.
I do understand and it makes you handle that child from the beginning differently than you would handle him if that hadn’t happened.
Little differences real early on become big differences later on.
Your job as a parent is to prepare him for the next level of life.
And you’re not doing that.
And we need to start doing that..
As found on Youtube Teenage Boys: