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Parenting

LoveParenting: 10 Yogi Principles for Parenting – What Yoga has taught me about parenting


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Give me a “YOGA!” in the comments if you liked this post and if you’d like to see more ZEN ideas here on The Parenting Junkie.

Go straight to the full-blog post: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/10-zen-parenting-principles-i-learned-from-yoga

Like this? Then you’ll also love:

How to Wash Dishes (Mindfulness):
http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/how-to-stay-mindful-in-the-moment/

Applying the Law of Attraction: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/how-to-manifest-good-behavior-applying-the-law-of-attraction-to-parenting/

Ageism & Parenting in the Present Moment: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/ageism-mindfulness-and-parenting-in-the-present-moment-2/

S L O W PARENTING: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/have-you-heard-of-slow-parenting/

The Case Against Praising Your Child: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/why-praising-yes-praising-your-child-is-harmful-and-what-to-do-instead/

10 ZEN PARENTING PRINCIPLES I LEARNED FROM YOGA:

1. Practice Non-Violence

2. Develop a Mantra

3. Simplicity

4. Contentment

5. Connect to Your Breath

6. Keep Flowing – Moving Meditation

7. Stay on Your Own Mat

8. If it’s Too Strenuous, Go to Child’s Pose

9. Keep Coming Back to Your Mat

10. Beginners Mind

To stay in beginners mind means to maintain an openness – to honor that we – and our children – are ever-changing. It entails being responsive to our inner selves and outer selves. And knowing that we really never KNOW ourselves, our children, or our partner. We are always changing. And that’s a beautiful thing.
Our Amazing Community (join here!) has pooled together their favorite go-to parenting mantas and I just LOVE them.

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Parenting

What Nobody Tells You About Parenting

A Child With A History Of Extreme Trauma

My son spent the first 28 months of his life experiencing neglect, malnutrition and abuse in his orphanage.

It has occurred to me frequently that I have held a front-row seat to the “trauma chronicles” since my husband and I adopted our son 11 years ago and I sustained a life-changing injury of my own.

We adopted both of our children from overseas, and the unfortunate reality is that every adoption story begins with the trauma of abandonment.

This initial trauma can predispose children to an increased vulnerability to everyday stressors such as holidays and increased responsibility ― things that would be considered “typical” for most families.

In addition, my son spent the first 28 months of his life experiencing extreme neglect, malnutrition and abuse in his orphanage.

We suspect that he was kept alone in his crib for hours at a time, as he had virtually no rudimentary language skills, he recoiled from human touch and eye contact, and he lacked muscle tone to keep his body from toppling over in a seated position.

We also saw that any swift movement toward him would cause him to lift his hand in a defensive position.

This was concerning, but certainly nothing we couldn’t handle with awareness and sensitivity, we thought.

My husband and I both have degrees in mental health and school psychology.

We felt that if anyone could parent a child with a history of trauma, neglect and abuse, we could.

Plus, our daughter proved to be a hearty soul, and we hoped she would be a great role model for him.

My bloodhound-like tenacity to seek out early intervention and resources, my husband’s expertise, and our daughter’s delightful, humorous personality — these things, I felt, would surely bring our son up to par in the world, where he would hopefully thrive one day.

Yet despite all of my efforts, my son pushed me away. In the early days, he would throw his head back, regardless of what dangerous protrusion might be behind him, or turn his head to the side to avert having to look into my eyes.

He held a perpetual scowl and darkness behind his eyes, seeming to prefer being in another world somewhere — anywhere besides with a family attempting to love him.

Trauma is everywhere. It is physical for some and emotional for others. Trauma does not discriminate, but it can educate.

I remember the time he tried to push my parents’ new kittens down the stairs and lock them into a box.

“Wow,” I thought. “He really needs constant supervision to avoid hurting himself or other living beings. He just doesn’t inherently care about anything.”

Fortunately, we had the financial resources and the foresight to know that our kiddo would require specialized interventions and that we would need a village to help him.

Still, it can be difficult to keep up appearances.

Never mind the reality I was living at the time, secretly hiding my loneliness and depression as I raised a child who I had deep concerns about, and who was difficult to connect with.

From a “typical” parenting perspective, there is nothing “normal” about raising a child who has experienced trauma. It is completely and utterly counterintuitive. (This does not even take into consideration that resources are virtually nonexistent for parents who find themselves in our situation.)

As the ruggedly independent, strong person I was, I attempted to swallow my loneliness and carry on. I took my son to medical and Applied Behavioral Analysis

Therapy appointments and maintained as “normal” a family life as I could.

I did all of this until a split-second distraction landed me in the hospital.

I suffered a climbing fall that was more than likely due to my own pent-up stress and anxiety. Even a severely fractured ankle, pelvis and back did not immediately funnel my thoughts toward my own well-being. In fact, while waiting for the paramedics to arrive, I continued to direct folks toward calling the several appointments my son would be missing because of my little mishap.

I have since read many articles alluding to the secondary post-traumatic stress disorder some parents face when they have children with special needs.

Let me tell you: That shit is real. 

When serving on the Family Advisory Committee for Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin, I became friends with other parents who faced similar struggles ― isolation, depression, hypervigilance, fatigue, desperation. Parenting a child with special needs can be an all-encompassing, life-defining endeavor. Most people don’t end up in the hospital, however.

But I did. And that’s the thing about parenting: We just carry on.

Two years, 11 limb-salvage surgeries and three hospitalizations later, I ended up losing my leg below the knee. Folks rallied to help our family as I recovered ― including grandparents, friends, therapists, our church community and people from our kids’ schools. I would regularly send them information from my bed, trying to educate everyone about how to work best with my kiddo and to understand how the mind of a child of trauma operates. We have been fortunate enough to have caring, compassionate people along the way. It has been hard, but I have learned so much.

Trauma is everywhere. It is physical for some and emotional for others. Trauma does not discriminate, but it can educate.

Life can be beautiful and awe-inspiring. It can also be painful and treacherous. There is a saying: You never have to apologize for how you choose to survive.”

As a young mom parenting a child of trauma, this often involved retreating to the basement, blasting Alanis Morissette, and curling up in a ball to cry (as well as cracking open a beer at noon on occasion).

This road ain’t easy. It does take a village. We need more real villages these days, not just the ones online. Trust me.

Survival strategies for my son and many others like him often include coping mechanisms that can be harmful or destructive.

It can be easier to isolate, bury feelings through substance use, zone out in front of the TV or social media, or even hurl violent comments or images at others than it can be to look deeply into the eyes and heart of another human being.

Retired teacher David Blair recently wrote an open letter in which he pleaded with students to put down their phones and make friends with kids who eat lunch alone. I agree, wholeheartedly! But we also really need to do a better job of supporting parents and caregivers of kids with special needs. Obviously, this road ain’t easy.

It does take a village. We need more real villages these days, not just the ones online.

Trust me.

And to the “trauma mamas” and other parents out there feeling alone and isolated: Pay attention to the stirrings of your own heart and any difficulties you may be carrying.

Own them and work through them. Reach out to others to share and ask for help. As hard as it may be, don’t let the super-parent persona take over, or the perfection façade of social media keep you from connecting with others. (I am a prime example of how trauma can happen when you don’t connect and ask for help.)

Real, open human connection is what it is all about.

Six and a half years have passed since my accident, during which time we have been forced to slow down a bit. I haven’t been able to “do it all,” which, in retrospect, has been a blessing.

My husband has had to share some of the kid-appointment responsibilities because I have acquired some appointments of my own, and quality time spent with family and friends has become golden. It isn’t easy to accept help, much less ask for it ― but the value I have learned in having caring people step forward in my life has been priceless.

Slowing down has also taught me to listen with my ears, eyes and heart. When my son’s behaviors are out of control,

I look into his eyes and see fear. Fear of not being good enough or not being in control.

It is no coincidence when I notice these feelings come full circle to bite me in the ass.

Touché, I think. Slow thyself down. Connect.

I often think about what would have happened if I had talked about my struggles prior to my accident, if I had paid attention to my own well-being. Trauma begets trauma, I have learned. The antidote? Mindful awareness and connection.

Our family has learned so much and grown in ways I would never have imagined. My once resistant kiddo does his homework right after school. He has a good friend and is learning to be a good friend. He even snuggles with our cat and feeds him every day. He is learning the value of connection. We have weathered the storm and continue forging on.

There are always new things to learn.

“Compassion is the radicalism of our time,” the Dalai Lama once said. I believe this to be revolutionary and true.

Trauma will continue to be a regular occurrence unless we make human connection intensely personal. We need to be present, and to learn from one another with all that we are.

We need to understand the generational trauma that some people continue to carry and help unpack it in ways that truly open our hearts and minds.

If we do, I think the reward will be not only immediate, but it will affect generations for years to come.

Read more: huffingtonpost.com

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Parenting

15 pieces of unconventional parenting advice from Arrested Development’s unforgettable mom

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Mother’s Day is fast approaching and with it the opportunity to say ‘thank you’ to the incredible moms who nurtured us, raised us, and shaped us. 

(Really, you should say thank you to your mother every day, but especially on Mother’s Day.)

SEE ALSO: 21 Mother’s Day gifts for the tech-savvy mom

But the beautiful (and scary) part of parenting is that there is no guide book — everyone does it a little bit differently.

Fortunately, though, anyone seeking a bit of motherhood advice need look no further than Lucille Bluth, matriarch of Arrested Development’s Bluth family.

With her quick wit, searing side-eye, and take-no-prisoners attitude, Lucille Bluth showcased a new model for motherhood. Sure her kids might not have appreciated her approach as much as the rest of us, but Lucille and her unforgettable one-liners convey a trove of unforgettable parenting wisdom. Read more…

More about Mother S Day, Arrested Development, Lucille Bluth, Culture, and Other

Read more: mashable.com

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Parenting

Parents surprise FaceTime friends with their first meeting, and it’s too much

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The internet has connected us in ways we never thought possible, allowing people who would’ve never met to create long-lasting friendships. Unfortunately, distance is a bitter reality and often those internet friendships are screen-only. 

SEE ALSO: Delightful water-filled glove is the internet’s best son

Redditor core330 and his best friend have daughters the same age. The two introduced them on FaceTime four years ago, and since then, they’ve been best friend. Unfortunately, the two  were separated by a 7 hour distance, and were never able to meet IRL.

But without their knowledge, the dads decided to plan a surprise visit and captured the girls meeting for the very first time.  Read more…

More about Parenting, Kids, Viral Videos, Culture, and Web Culture

Read more: mashable.com

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Parenting

Highly resourceful woman has the wildest birth story of all time

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When Tia Freeman’s son Xavier is old enough to need a party icebreaker, he’ll have an excellent one about his incredible resourceful mother and his impromptu water birth.

In a wildly popular Twitter thread shared Tuesday, Freeman – a member of the U.S. Air Force –  shared her son’s incredible birth story, which starts on a flight from the U.S. to Turkey and ends with an unexpected newborn. 

SEE ALSO: How ‘returnships’ help women in tech get back to work after a parenting break

I still really don’t understand what’s so shocking about my delivery story. Lol maybe it’ll set in one day.

— Tia Freeman (@TheWittleDemon) April 24, 2018 Read more…

More about Twitter, Parenting, Kids, Culture, and Culture

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Parenting

Donald Trump suggests he may pardon Jack Johnson because — c’mon, you know why

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While past presidents were mourning former First Lady Barbara Bush at her funeral in Houston today, President Trump was on his phone in Mar-a-Lago, having his usual Twitter meltdown.

In between excoriating James Comey and tossing around conspiracy theories about Mr. Peepers, President Trump decided to suddenly announce he was considering a pardon for Jack Johnson, the history-making boxer.

Trump, as you might imagine, appears to have taken a particular interest in pardons as of late.

SEE ALSO: Michelle Obama shared the perfect parenting metaphor for Trump’s White House

Some background on the controversy: Jack Johnson was the first black man to ever hold the title of world heavyweight champion. By 1912, he hadn’t lost a match in four years. Other white boxers refused to fight him. When one, Canadian Tommy Burns, did, Johnson destroyed him soundly.  Read more…

More about Watercooler, Boxing, Pardon, President Trump, and Jack Johnson

Read more: mashable.com

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Parenting

LoveParenting: How to calm down when you’re triggered ft Dr Laura Markham ahaparenting


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What calms you down? How do you stop triggers in their tracks? What did you love most about Dr Laura’s approach? Give me a LOVE in the comments if you, too, have found her work AMAZING ❤️

Go to full blog post for NOTES: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/the-parenting-junkie-show/

Dr. Laura’s new Workbook: https://amzn.to/2pZlrEp

7 Steps When Triggered: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/yelling-youre-getting-triggered-7-steps-to-change-that/

Check out ALL SIX ROLE PLAYS: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/search/?q=roleplay

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NanaGram will mail prints of your photos to your grandparents every month

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Printing photos is making a comeback, with companies like Artifact Uprising and TurnGram encouraging users to bring their iPhone pics into — gasp — the physical realm.

One particularly pleasant service is NanaGram, which will mail 10 4×4 or 4×6 photos of your choice to your grandparents — or any relative, really, but it’s cutest to say grandparents — for a fixed rate of $7.99 every month. (This is the most basic package, but you can also pay more to send more photos.)

NanaGram does not have an app — a nice perk for those whose phone storage is perpetually full. Instead, users text photos with captions to a phone number connected to their account. This also means that multiple people (siblings, cousins, etc.) can use the number, distinguishing NanaGram from similar services. It’s like sharing a Netflix account, but with your relatives and for a kind reason. Nice! Read more…

More about Family Parenting, Photos, Culture, Startups, and Work Life

Read more: mashable.com

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LoveParenting: How to parent a high needs, Spirited preschooler with gentle parenting?


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“I fell in love with parenting again!” – Leah (Present Play Member)

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“Whatever self-care looks like for you, remember that when your own cup runneth over with joy, abundance, and compassion it will spill over to your preschooler” – @parentingjunkie

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Give me an “AMEN” in the comments if you understand the challenges of raising a highly spirited child. What resources would you recommend to other parents?

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↓ ↓ ↓ You’ll also love… ↓ ↓ ↓
→ When You Don’t Like (or Even Hate) Being With Your Spirited Child: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/spirited-challenging-child/
→ 24 Reasons Your Child is Acting Out and What to Say Instead: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/24-reasons-your-child-is-acting-out-what-to-say-instead/
→ Why Obedience Is Not My Goal: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/why-obedience-is-not-my-goal/
→ Does Peaceful Parenting WORK? http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/peaceful-parenting-doesnt-work/
→ 5 Ways to Handle the All-Destructive Mommy Guilt: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/5-ways-to-handle-the-all-destructive-mommy-guilt/
→ 7 Ways to Deal with Parenting When Triggered: http://www.theparentingjunkie.com/yelling-youre-getting-triggered-7-steps-to-change-that/

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What I’ve learned about parenting as a stay-at-home dad | Glen Henry


Glen Henry got his superpowers through fatherhood. After leaving behind a job he hated and a manager he didn’t get along with, he went to work for an equally demanding boss: his kids. He shares how he went from thinking he knew it all about being a stay-at-home parent to realizing he knew nothing at all — and how he’s now documenting what he’s learned.

Read more: ted.com