Parenting Uncategorized

True confessions of a compulsive caretaker

You cannot catch a child’s spirit by running after it and his became evident to me many summers ago, when I spent 6 weeks suffering with a severe case of hives all over my body.

When the itching first began, the only way to find relief was to lie absolutely motionless.

“You cannot catch a child’s spirit by running after it. You must stand still, and for love it will soon itself return.”

Arthur Miller

My kids, who are delightfully self-entertaining, went about their business for the first few hours, checking in on me occasionally to see if I needed anything.

As the day wore on, they realized that I was a sitting duck.

They set up camp on my king size bed, and we proceeded to have some very deep and thought-provoking conversations.

I doubt these interactions would have occurred if I had been my usual productive and bustling self.

I probably would have interrupted the quiet time that was necessary for their questions to emerge in order to jump up and fold the laundry before it wrinkled.

I hardly ever sit still when I’m healthy.

There’s always so much to do.

Hives taught me lots of important things … not the least of which is that the world will not collapse if I don’t hold it up.

Sure, I fell behind on things.

For the first time in my life I left phone calls not returned, and dishes in the sink, and laundry wet and wrinkled for days.

But the sun continued to rise and set anyway.

I didn’t lose any friends due to my poor response time and my kids learned how to take care of dirty dishes and clothes.

My son is a budding chef, and he had lots more freedom in the kitchen when I wasn’t there telling him what to do or how to do it better.

He was so proud to serve us the delicious meals he had prepared.

I’m sure you know where I’m going with this.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids is drop out and let them experience their own competence.

My kids blossomed during my down time.

I think it was really great for them to feel needed and important; to make a contribution to the family that really mattered.

Yeah, it’s sad that it took a nasty case of hives for me to realize that I was not giving them enough opportunities to experience their own competence, but so be it.

Now I know.

True confessions of a compulsive caretaker.

Testing my lessons learned, I asked my son if he would fix a towel hook that had fallen off the wall.

He seized the mission with zest, gathering all his tools together and tackling the problem with great concentration.

I stayed busy elsewhere in the house and left him alone.

I’ll never forget the look on his face when he came to tell me the job was done.

Not only had he fixed the hook, but he had even cleaned up the mess and put all the tools away!

I’ve realized that the best way to love my kids has changed as they’ve grown older.

It’s not so much about taking care of them anymore.

Now they need opportunities to discover their ability to take care of themselves.

I’ve graduated from being their source to being their resource.


My job has changed from a caretaker and doing things for them to expressing my confidence that they can learn to do things for themselves.

Just in the nick of time, too. I’ve been craving uninterrupted opportunities to write and think and meditate.

I’m relieved to know that I can take this time for myself without feeling that I am depriving them somehow.

I guess I needed the reassurance that it was ok, even good for them, that I wanted space to myself.

Mama Bird at some point needs to get tough on her babies while getting them ready to fly.

Maybe Mother Nature gives her a helping hand by offering her the tool of irritation to toughen her up so she does what must be done.

Traditionally it’s been hard for me to trust that even my irritation could be ok.

Once more, I have been reminded that all is truly as it should be and for that, I am grateful.

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Adoption Breast Feeding

Adopted Babies

Breast Feeding Adopted Babies

Not only is breast feeding an adopted baby easy, the chances are that you will produce a large amount of milk. It isn’t complicated to do,  although it is different than breast feeding a baby you have been pregnant with for 9 months.

Breast feeding and milk

There are two objectives that are involved in breast feeding an adopted babies.

The first is getting your baby to breast feed, and the other is producing enough breast milk.

There is more to breast feeding than just milk, which is why many mothers are happy to feed  without expecting to produce milk in the way the baby needs.

It’s the closeness and the bond breast feeding provides that many mothers  look for.


Taking the breast

Even though many feel the early introduction of bottles may interfere with breast feeding, the early introduction of artificial nipples can interfere a great deal.

The sooner you can get the baby to the breast after birth, the better things will be.

Babies will however, require the flow from the breast in order to stay attached and continue to suck, especially if they are used to gettingflow from a bottle or other method of feeding.

Producing breast milk As soon as you have an adopted baby in sight, contact a lactation clinic and start getting
your milk supply ready.

Keep in mind, you may never produce a full milk supply for your baby, although it may happen.

You should never feel discouraged by what you may be pumping before the baby, as a pump is never quite as good at extracting milk as a baby who is well latched and sucking.

Breastfeeding has many advantages for both the baby and the mother.

There are many substances in breast milk that can’t be found in cow’s milk. More so, there are fewer complications associated with breast milk than with cow’s milk.

It has been advertised time and again that it is best for the babies if they are breastfed for the first six months even up to two years. So why is breast milk so beneficial for the baby?

First of all, only breast milk contains colostrums which are essential for the baby to take.

Commercially-made milks cannot simulate the colostrums made by a mother.

The colostrums contain natural antibodies and immune globulins that are responsible for keeping the baby free from illness for the first few months of its life.

Another advantage breast milk has over cow’s milk is that it allows the mother to save as cow’s milk can be expensive. The baby can better adapt to breast milk.

Their feces are not smelly and they don’t have any difficulty defecating compared to cow’s milk.

Breastfeeding has also been approved to be one of the family planning methods that a family can observe.

Since breastfeeding has been given so much importance, many women have been made aware. However, despite the awareness, many mothers still report of breast problems associated with lactation.

These problems are most often than not, associated with improper breast feeding techniques.

In order to lower down the incidence of breast related problems due to lactation, it is important that mothers observe the proper techniques of breast feeding.

Ultimately, both the mother as well as the baby will benefit from the proper observance of these techniques.

First of all, you need to prepare your breast for milk-production.

There are various nipple exercises to perform in order to prepare your nipple to deliver the breast milk to your baby.

One of these exercises would involve routinely pinching the nipple.

Second and what most mothers fail to realize is how to keep the nipple clean before the baby latches on to it for feeding.

When you plan to breast feed, you should avoid using soap on your nipple.

If this cannot be avoided, your nipple should be wiped using a soft cloth soaked in clean water to make sure your nipple is clean before your baby feeds from it.

Third and perhaps the most important step is to allow your baby to properly latch on to your nipple.

You will know when your baby is latched on properly when your baby’s mouth covers the entire areola and not just the nipples.

It is essential that your baby should latch on properly so that he or she can properly stimulate the “let-down reflex” of your breasts wherein the milk will go down the ducts and out your nipple.

To aid your baby in latching on properly, you should make use of their rooting reflex.

This is manifested in the first few months of life. You stimulate your baby’s cheek, near their mouth using your nipple and their head will automatically turn towards the stimulation.

Their mouth will open and be ready for receiving your nipple.

Once you’re done, you can aid your baby to stop latching on by inserting a clean pinky finger into the side of their mouth and propping it slightly open.

Your baby will stop sucking and you can remove your nipple.

To prevent sore nipples and breast engorgement you have to monitor the amount of time your baby sucks with each nipple.

It is usually advisable to spend 10-15 minutes each breast to make sure that the breasts are completely emptied of milk.

This will prevent breast engorgement.

The next time your baby feeds on your breast, let your baby feed from the last breast he or she fed on.

This will completely empty the milk on that breast before you move on to the other breast.


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Baby’s Separation Anxiety

How do I feel about my child’s separation anxiety?

Honestly, it’s absolutely one of the most delightful feelings I really enjoy as a mom. I remember when my son was between 8-9 months old. Just like every mother, I couldn’t forget those moments.

Baby’s Separation Anxiety

At that time, he often asked for more attention from me rather than from anybody in the house.

No matter where he was or who was holding him, as soon as he saw me, he suddenly cried as if he was asking me to hold him.

When I came close to him, he abruptly opened his arms and looked so happy.

His cry stopped in a moment.

It was truly an unspoken feeling I had experienced.

But there was also time when he acted differently from what I had expected.

When I went for work, I thought he would cry hard to see me leaving him.

I hugged him tight and kissed his face again and again.

I told him, “Baby, Mommy have to go to work now.

Eat and drink a lot, okay?

And have a good nap.

I’ll be back.

Love you much.


Sometimes he kept looking at me when I said so.

I expected him to start weeping but it didn’t happen.

I wondered why.

I found out later that he was interested with the wheels of the car I traveled in everyday.

Whenever the car started to run, my son always kept his eyes on the wheels.

Looking at them spinning must have been very exciting to him.

I just smiled, though my heart broke a little.

I soothed myself by thinking that it was good for him being curious of strange things.

My son is a baby who has sleeping problem.

Throughout the night during his sleep, he often woke up several times.

If he woke up and didn’t find me nearby, he would cry out loud, making the whole house panic as if something really bad happen.

When I got into the bedroom, he would crawl toward me, and then I hugged him.

He’d be calm afterward.

Breastfeeding really worked to put him back to sleep.

Thank God I decided to breastfeed him so that I wouldn’t be engaged with the rush of preparing formula during the night.

Yes, I chose to breastfeed him in nighttime, even though he still got formula in day times.

Maybe this breastfeeding activity had created the bond between us.

I enjoyed it, and still until now.

This might also what made my son didn’t want to stay away from me.

If your baby or child has the same characteristic as my son has, I’m sure you have the same feeling as I do.

If you think that your baby’s cry (for being away from you) annoy you, just remember that it won’t last forever.

Separation anxiety is a phase in your child’s development during his early years of life.

Almost all children go through this experience.

What I can suggest you is just enjoy these intimate moments before they’re gone along with your child’s growth.

From what I’ve heard from my friends about this, you’re gonna miss the moments.

To me, even now, I really don’t want the phase fade away.

Wait, wait.

There’s one more thing I’d like to share with you, which you may not think will make your child comfortable.

I remember my friend told me that if you’re going somewhere, don’t forget to tell your child that you’ll be back.

Instead of sneaking out of the house, waving your hand and saying that you’ll be back will soothe him somehow.

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Things You should know when planning a baby shower party

Baby shower party have their origin in ancient time and like most modern things, the way and manner in which they are planned and celebrated have changed with time.

Here are somethings that you should bear in mind when planning a baby shower party today.

1. Know the culture of the would be parents.
Because baby showers are steeped in tradition and customs, it is important to have a good idea of what is culturally acceptable by the would be parents and what is not.

People do not necessarily throw away their culture because they live in modern times.

Knowing the cultural limitations, makes the celebration more memorable and worthwhile.

2. Know the needs of the parents to be
It is pointless giving gifts that recipients can not use.

Would be parents need things for the new baby and are probably stretched to their limits.

It would be only worth their while if the gifts they get help to alleviate this burden.

Where the gender of the baby is known in advance, give gifts that are gender appropriate.

3. Know the best time to schedule your shower
As the hostess, it behooves you to know when to schedule the baby shower party for maximum benefit and impact.

Do not schedule your shower too early or too late.

Expecting couples need all the financial help they can get.

Scheduling a shower too late may mean that the couple had already bought all the things they need for the baby.

4. Know the physical needs of the expecting mother
Pregnancy puts enormous physical challenges and demand on the expecting mother, especially if it is their first pregnancy.

It is a good idea to locate the shower closer to home to avoid putting additional strain on an already over challenged mother to be.

5. Know who is on your guest list
The success and failure of a baby-shower party to a certain extent depends on the attendance.

How responsive is your list.

Did you consult the couple when compiling your guest list.

Remember this is their baby shower not your.

You are only a vessel in the actualization of this event.

6. Know your refreshment plan
Preparing for and feeding even the smallest group of people can quickly turn into a nightmare if no adequate plans are made for that.

Set up a plan about what to serve and how to serve it and work your plan.

Make room for emergencies that may arise.

7. Know your plan for entertainment
What is your plan for entertainment?

Do you have games that your guests can play?

Board games and puzzles make for easy and entertaining party games that your guests can play.

You might want to organize some kind of poetry reading, depending on the mix of your guests.

You can have guests come with their own poems written for the occasion to share with others.

baby shower party

Best themes for Baby Shower Party

It is always an immense joy to have someone added to your family, especially if it is a cute little baby.

How else would you celebrate the joy of having one?

Plan the most fun and unique baby shower you’ll ever have.

Preparing for a baby shower should be fun and exciting.

You can be as creative as you want.

Go simple or go real extravagant.

As long as you will make your party special and unforgettable, you can go ahead and experiment on the different party themes you can have.

You can go traditional or get a little creative and make your baby shower party a lot more unique.

You can spice up the party with different themes that can either be serious, adorable or humorous.

Below are some popular themes ideas that would definitely be a hit in any baby showers.

Fairy tale Themes
There are thousand of fairy-tale characters that have been a tradition throughout baby shower parties.

Cinderella and Snow White are the most common ones for girl.

Peter Pan is the most suitable character for boys.

This kind of theme can be made interesting with colorful decorations and creates a fantasy- like atmosphere.

Baby bottles theme
You can have a baby bottle as your centerpiece in this particular theme.

Use them as cute containers for game prizes.

You can make fun of them too by using baby bottles as cups or mugs.

Teddy bear theme
Everyone loves these cuddly teddies.

They are perfect for decorations. You don’t have to buy teddy bears though to fill up the room.

Old but presentable ones will do.

It would be memorable to have the guest of honor’s favorite teddy as a centerpiece.

Diaper theme
Begin with sending cute diaper cut- out invitation.

Guests should bring their own diaper gifts with a particular size.

This way, you can save on diapers even up to three months!

Nursery rhyme theme
It’s a good idea to make nursery rhymes as theme for your party.

You can make use of famous character like Humpty Dumpty, Little Bo Peep, or the famous Mother Goose.

Pictures could be nice as decorations but it would really look nice if you have some kind of a replica.

You can also add on some of the line to your invitations.

Themes for twins
Remember the famous Noah’s ark story?

All animals are paired in two’s when lodging the ark.

It’s the perfect theme for expectant mothers of twins.

Don’t forget to note in your invitation that you will be having twins, this way; guests will have to bring two gifts of either the same kind or two different ones.

Color themes
The usual color themes for girls are pink and blue for the boys.

These are simple themes that can be just as fun as other themes.

Decorate your venue with your chosen color theme.

In putting up colored ribbons, intertwine them with a white ribbon too.

This would give the room an elegant look.

If you are unsure whether your baby would be a boy or a girl, settle for neutral colors like green or yellow.

Having a theme in your baby shower can add a little more coordination in the things you need to prepare.

A theme would dictate which kind of food you need to prepare, the look of the invitations and how you would decorate your chosen venue.

With a theme, you would have to be groping in the dark on how you would create that wonderful baby shower.


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Nine Gift Ideas For A Baby Shower Event

You are bound to know someone who is having a baby shortly, if you aren’t having one yourself and need help with a gift ideas for that baby shower.

Pregnant women equal shopping time.

Here are nine gift ideas that any mother will most certainly be appreciative of.

The baby shower gift ideas are great for those who are shopping or for mom’s to put on their gift registry.

1. Diapers, diapers and more diapers.

That is quite a bland gift idea but a very much needed gift.

I don’t know any mom who will complain about having too many diapers with a newborn at home.

To make diapers snazzy you have to dress it up a bit.

You can find diaper cakes in lots of gift sites.

Some come with as many as 150 diapers, plus booties, bibs and tons of other essentials for baby, but all in the shape of an all so cute cake.

2. Layettes, blankets, socks and burp cloths.

Chances are they are going to get tons of these.

However, these gifts tend to come in newborn or 3 months sizes which after a few weeks probably won’t serve its purpose anymore.

Making this a great gift is if you buy them in larger sizes. After a few months, mom still has brand new gifts for the baby to enjoy.

3. Pamper products for Mom.

The last few weeks of pregnancy are very uncomfortable and can be hard on Mom.

Let Mom have the star treatment as well. Once the baby is born, Mom’s 15 minutes of fame are over.

4. Savings Bonds.

A savings bond is a great way to help invest in the child’s future.

While everyone is thinking of now you are thinking ahead.

It may also help jump start parents to jump start on baby’s future if they haven’t already.

5. Gift Certificates.

You can never go wrong with a gift certificate.

Mom and Dad get to choose what they want and you gave them that satisfaction.

The obvious choice for a gift certificate would where the registry is set up.

If they do not have a registry set up, good choices could include their favorite supermarket (formula, diapers) or baby store.

Another gift certificate idea could be a check card gift certificate.

It works like a credit card and can be used anywhere.

Tip: I don’t suggest buying clothing unless the parents-to-be suggested so.

Chances are they have already gone shopping and couldn’t resist those tiny adorable outfits and it is best to find out before you spend out!.

Even if you are not attending the baby shower (for example if you are a male family member or friend) it is still a good idea to pick up at least a small gift for the baby.

The new mom may have made a list of some general things that the baby will need, and if she has a list like this, you can check it out.

However, frequently you will have to pick a gift without a list.

gift ideas

So here are some pretty ‘safe bets’ as far as baby shower gifts go.

I got a few more gift ideas when I was in a Target store looking for a gift idea.

I asked several parents who had babies with them in their shopping cart what sort of gifts would be good for a new baby and here are some of the answers that I got.

These baby gift ideas are very easy to find and very reasonable at a store like Target.

For $50 you can get a whole assortment of goodies but keep in mind the tip above on buying baby clothing.

6. Clothing:

All babies need clothing, and they grow very fast! If you have ever shopped for baby clothes you may be amazed to see that there are several different sizes of clothes needed for the baby just during the first year!

There is 0-1 month, 3 to 6 months, 6 to 9 months and on and on!

Therefore, there are plenty of types of clothing that will be needed in plenty of different sizes.

Just remember to keep in mind how old the baby currently is, because baby clothing sizes change rapidly, and you would not want to buy a gift that is already too small by the time you present it to the parents!

7. Teething toys:

All babies ‘teeth’ and will need little chew toys of sorts.

These may become dirty quickly and it is probably smart to replace them often, so a number of these teething toys may be useful.

You might find ones with rattles or bells. Just make sure it is not big enough for a baby to swallow.

8. Stuffed animals:

A cute stuffed animal may make a nice gift.

The softest kind available may be liked the most for snugly comfort.

Additionally, some of these stuffed animals may have sounds built in.

You may want one that makes sounds, or you may want an old fashioned one without noise.

A good example is Winnie-The-Pooh or Eyeore.

9. Baby books:

It is great to read to young children and really helps there little minds grow.

While a very young baby won’t be able to understand stories yet, parents are always looking to build a nice little library of quality books to read to their children.

There you have 9 simple baby shower gift ideas!

Hopefully you will be able to find a nice gift or even a shopping bag full of little gifts to bring the baby and the parents enjoyment.


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Baby Shower Is A Time for Celebration For Everyone

A Baby Shower Really Is A Time for Celebration

Celebrating the upcoming arrival with a baby shower is exciting but at the same time, it’s often a situation in which both parents can feel much anxiety.

These feelings of anxiety are especially strong for first-time parents.

There is so much to know and so many different items are needed to provide proper infant care.

The idea of the baby shower came about as both a special time for family and friends to be together before the baby’s arrival and also to help relieve the financial burden on parents-to-be by supplying them with many of the new gadgets, furnishings and accessories they’ll need once their baby arrives.

And even though today most people prefer to break out of the ‘traditional’ mold, when it comes to a baby shower, these events for the most part still adhere to traditional guidelines.

Probably one of the biggest changes to the baby shower format is that they’re no longer exclusively for women.

Plenty of men make it onto today’s baby shower guest list and those who are invited don’t come grudgingly.

While they might not play in all the baby shower games, men do enjoy the opportunity to give their regards to the expectant mother- and father-to-be.

In some cultures however, a baby shower is considered a sign of bad luck.

If there’s a chance the expectant mother might feel this way, be sure to check with her before proceeding with the baby shower.

In some parts of the world the baby shower is actually held after the baby is born.

This makes sense since a baby shower is a celebration of the baby and guests enjoy actually seeing the one who is being celebrated.

It’s also easier to select gender-appropriate colors and gifts and should the gift need engraving, guests have all the delivery details they need.

Having the baby shower after the baby’s birth does make sense, but it’s a very busy time for new parents.

Plus, many of the baby items the expectant parent(s) need are needed as soon as the baby arrives home.

That’s why scheduling the baby shower before the baby’s birth is the more common option.

baby shower flyer

The baby shower itself is traditional and for the most part, every shower involves the same activities.

Guest lists and invitations need to be created and mailed.

The shower location needs to be decorated.

Guests expect to be entertained so food, drink and games need to be coordinated.

Because it’s a special occasion, there might even be a photographer and/or video, musician and other special talent participating in the festivities.

A baby shower can be a big to-do with lots of little details to coordinate and every detail is going to cost money.

That’s why it’s highly advisable for whoever is hosting the shower to put together (and stick to) a workable budget.

Pulling off a successful special event like a baby shower doesn’t take special talent, it takes a well-thought out plan that includes a timeline and a budget.

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Information Every New Parent Should Know

Being a new parent, will face many problems and issues that they are expected to understand and deal with immediately with their new baby.

Unfortunately, newborns (new baby) do not come with an instruction book so here are a few topics that a new parent may need to know about from the start.

Bathing your new baby: Until your baby’s umbilical cord falls off one to two weeks after their birth, only give her sponge baths.

A cotton ball or cotton swab dampened with alcohol can help to dry the umbilical stump or follow your pediatrician’s directions.

After the stump falls off, you can give him a bath in a sink or shallow tub.

Caesarian delivery: A caesarian is usually performed to make delivery safer for you or your baby.

C-sections can be done for many different reasons including stalled labor, complicated labor, problems with the new baby that may make delivery difficult, or other problems.

It does not matter if you deliver vaginally or by a caesarian section, you are still a mother with a beautiful new blessing.

Circumcision: Many doctors agree that there may be some benefit to circumcision, but it may not be absolutely necessary.

It may help to lower the risk of urinary tract infections and eliminates just about any chance of penile cancer.

Circumcision does not cause long-term emotional problems for your child.

new parent

Crib death (SIDS): Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), also referred to as crib death and many studies have been done regarding SIDS.

Although the cause of SIDS has not been definitely defined, there are some correlations that have been made between SIDS and the following things:

Male babies are more likely to die from SIDS than females

Prematurity makes it more likely

Minority children are affected by it more often than non-minorities

More children of young, single mothers die from it

Children who live in a home with one or more smokers are more likely to be affected

Some people say that sleeping with your baby can reduce the risk of SIDS, but the American Academy of Pediatrics disagree with this statement and go on to say that there is a greater risk of SIDS in babies who co-sleep.

Back sleeping is what most pediatricians recommend for babies to decrease the SIDS risk.

The reason for this is widely debated between health experts.

If you have concerns, please talk to your pediatrician.

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